One of You Now, I Guess

Don't have much to say here, really. I'm not exactly verbose in the normal way of things. I'd planned on leaving the blogging up to Cam and Elaine, they're the ones with things to say. I'm kind of the muscle here. Not that I have a problem with this-protecting people is what I do best.


But I figured you all might like to know that I've seen him now. Last night. Went out to the big balcony thing we have for some air while Cam was asleep, and there he was. Just staring. Now I see why you all were so scared. There aren't words. He's... I'm reminded of reading Lovecraft in high school. That overwhelming sense of horror and the realization that there's nothing that can stop it. I've stared down the barrel of a fanatic's gun, I've been captured and tortured, I've been in fights where the entire world is chaos and gunfire and debris, and yet somehow none of it was a tenth as terrifying as this faceless man in a suit.


But then, I'm a fucking soldier. I don't just cower in the corner, no matter the fear. Didn't stop me from being pants shittingly terrified, but I refused to let it defeat me. I went into the living room and started watching a cheerful movie on TV until he went away. Before too long, Elaine came out and saw me, and she sat with me. She saw him too, which isn't too much of a surprise, really. Not long after, he left, and we discussed plans until we were ready to head back to sleep. I'm not sure Cam or Nick even knew we were awake.


I expect I'll do some heavy duty freaking out later, but for now I'm just kind of in shock. The good thing about being a soldier, though, is you learn to deal with the fear, so with any luck I'll be able to manage this until what Elaine's trying to teach me can kick in.


Either that or I'll bugger off to a shooting range for a bit to relieve some tension. Possibly both.


Jake