Hi there. It's me again. Not to worry, Elaine's fine. Working, actually, trying to make up for losing almost a week's worth of work between Lucas and Joel's visit and the hospital stay. Normally I would've told her not to worry about it, I do theoretically have more than enough to handle things, but considering we have no idea when or if we're going to need to run, it seems like a good idea to save every penny we can. Outside of spoiling you lot who come to visit, anyway.
But, you really didn't come here to hear about our money situation. Elaine's really diving into the research. If she's not working it's all she does. Pouring through blogs and textbooks and god knows what else. I know she has a lot more than she's put up so far, but when I asked her about it, she said she didn't want to deal in half-finished thoughts.
Fair enough. Though I do wonder what exactly those thoughts are, especially considering some of the blogs I've seen her perusing.
Anyway. The point. I talked to Jacob today. He called, woke me up, considering how wonky my sleep schedule's gotten with the sleeping in shifts thing, but he called and we had an amazing long talk and oh it was so good to hear from him after everything. He tries not to call too often-ever since his unit found out that it was me he was dating, instead of Elaine, they've been kind of titchy about it. Nice titchy, as far as I know, but he still doesn't like to rub their faces in it. And besides, he's been busy of late. Due to scheduling issues and whatever he's up to over there, it's been two weeks since we could do any talking beyond a short 'hello I love you'.
I shouldn't even be in touch anymore, it puts him in danger, but god I needed this. We talked for an hour, and I'd told him that Elaine was in the hospital before. He wanted to know what happened. I had to lie.
I felt like shit, lying to him, so I lied about as little as possible. I told him that a couple of Elaine's friends had come to visit, and that someone bad was after them and had caught up with them at our place.
I didn't tell him that Wolf escaped the police, or anything to suggest that Wolf wasn't just a psychopath. I still felt like scum for lying to him.
I just don't know what to do. I mentioned before, my presence puts him in danger. Marrying me puts his life at risk. Elaine is convinced I should cancel the wedding and break it off with Jake for his own good. I know Jake himself would want me to share, even if it put him at risk, because he's a soldier, he's used to risking his life, and he wouldn't want anything to come between us.
I don't... I want him safe. But I don't think I can stand to hurt him by letting him go now. I don't have very long to make up my mind. Once he gets into town next week, if I haven't decided I know I'll break down and tell him.
I just want to marry the man I love without being responsible for his murder. When and why did that become too much to ask?
What do you even DO in a situation like this?
I don't... I don't know what to do. And I'm not sure that anything I do at this point will really save him, because I'm bad at lying and Jake's clever. What if he starts looking after I leave and gets infected anyway?
There's a fifty/fifty shot leaving him would save him. Not sure I like those odds.
One week left...