Hi there. It's me again. Not to worry, Elaine's fine. Working, actually, trying to make up for losing almost a week's worth of work between Lucas and Joel's visit and the hospital stay. Normally I would've told her not to worry about it, I do theoretically have more than enough to handle things, but considering we have no idea when or if we're going to need to run, it seems like a good idea to save every penny we can. Outside of spoiling you lot who come to visit, anyway.
But, you really didn't come here to hear about our money situation. Elaine's really diving into the research. If she's not working it's all she does. Pouring through blogs and textbooks and god knows what else. I know she has a lot more than she's put up so far, but when I asked her about it, she said she didn't want to deal in half-finished thoughts.
Fair enough. Though I do wonder what exactly those thoughts are, especially considering some of the blogs I've seen her perusing.
Anyway. The point. I talked to Jacob today. He called, woke me up, considering how wonky my sleep schedule's gotten with the sleeping in shifts thing, but he called and we had an amazing long talk and oh it was so good to hear from him after everything. He tries not to call too often-ever since his unit found out that it was me he was dating, instead of Elaine, they've been kind of titchy about it. Nice titchy, as far as I know, but he still doesn't like to rub their faces in it. And besides, he's been busy of late. Due to scheduling issues and whatever he's up to over there, it's been two weeks since we could do any talking beyond a short 'hello I love you'.
I shouldn't even be in touch anymore, it puts him in danger, but god I needed this. We talked for an hour, and I'd told him that Elaine was in the hospital before. He wanted to know what happened. I had to lie.
I felt like shit, lying to him, so I lied about as little as possible. I told him that a couple of Elaine's friends had come to visit, and that someone bad was after them and had caught up with them at our place.
I didn't tell him that Wolf escaped the police, or anything to suggest that Wolf wasn't just a psychopath. I still felt like scum for lying to him.
I just don't know what to do. I mentioned before, my presence puts him in danger. Marrying me puts his life at risk. Elaine is convinced I should cancel the wedding and break it off with Jake for his own good. I know Jake himself would want me to share, even if it put him at risk, because he's a soldier, he's used to risking his life, and he wouldn't want anything to come between us.
I don't... I want him safe. But I don't think I can stand to hurt him by letting him go now. I don't have very long to make up my mind. Once he gets into town next week, if I haven't decided I know I'll break down and tell him.
I just want to marry the man I love without being responsible for his murder. When and why did that become too much to ask?
What do you even DO in a situation like this?
I don't... I don't know what to do. And I'm not sure that anything I do at this point will really save him, because I'm bad at lying and Jake's clever. What if he starts looking after I leave and gets infected anyway?
There's a fifty/fifty shot leaving him would save him. Not sure I like those odds.
One week left...
Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.
ReplyDeleteIt's... it's difficult.
I wish I knew what to tell you. Sometimes if you love something you have to learn to let it go. Either way isn't going to end well, but one way ends in Jacob alive and (hopefully) safe, and the other...
Then again, if I've learned anything, it's that people close to victims don't seem to stay un-stalked for long. You may just be delaying the inevitable.
Whatever you choose, Cam, I'm sure it's the right decision.
Good luck. We all need it right now.
I know opinion might not matter very much on this subject, but you should tell him. Not only will his presence give you peace of mind, but he has been trained in combat. Holding back, and pushing him away will hurt him, and you more than anything Father could do. You'll be stronger together than alone of that I am certain.
ReplyDelete..."Stronger together than alone", huh?
ReplyDeleteBut consider this; if you drag him into this, even by being with you, he's in danger.
O'course, might even be in danger anyway.
Are you going to give him a chance at normality or take the risk that he's in too deep anyway?
Nobody ever said that this was easy.
Now Spencer you know that's a bold face lie. Father will go after him no matter what action she takes. I merely suggested the course of action that allows both the longest survival odds it's up to her if she'd rather die alone or in the arms of the man she loves.
ReplyDelete@August, thanks. That is exactly my worry. I know that if we both end up being stalked, we're safer and happier together than apart. But I also feel like I owe it to him to give him the chance of a proper life. I just... No matter what I choose I feel like it's the wrong answer.
ReplyDelete@Tensor, I'm not sure why you've shown up around here being helpful, and that makes me a bit nervous, but thank you. Also, I'm a guy.
@Spencer, that's exactly my fear. All of it. But the only way this would work is if I were cold enough to completely break up with him now, a week and a half before the wedding, and make it convincing.
I'm not sure I can do that. And if I can't, he's in danger.
-Cam
I've said this before, I'm sure. Joel and I were lucky, that we were already infected before we met.
ReplyDeleteI just have one question: If it was HIM who suddenly broke up with you, out of the blue, giving no real reason. Then disappearing a few days later.
Would you investigate?
~Joel
Cam, either decision is going to hurt you in the end. It's a matter of figuring out which one will keep you alive and happiest the longest. Sometimes cold logic needs to be injected into the scenario, and that's a whole lot easier from the outside than the inside.
ReplyDeleteTo use a tired cliche: Are you going to listen to your head or your heart? And Lucas is absolutely right. There may not even be a way out of this. It may just be a matter of cutting your losses and hoping for the best.
@Joel, I would. In a heartbeat. I know he would too. I'd have to come up with a really good reason.
ReplyDelete@August, Yeah. Absolutely. I've always listened to my heart in the past, but if it would save Jake, I'd change in a heartbeat. My biggest dilemma is that I don't know that I trust my ability to keep him out of this. I've never been a very good liar.
I'm not sure what to say. Its your decision, but whatever you do I can only wish the best for the both of you.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Cam, you know how I feel about it. I'm sorry, but you'd be better off ditching Jake now. I'll support you, whatever you do, but you'll regret it when something happens to him.
ReplyDelete~Elaine
Ah my mistake then. My view on this subject goes something like this. If you break up with him at this stage in your relationship, and then subsequently die some point afterwards he will look into to your death, and then get dragged into this unprepared feeling alone, and betrayed by the one person he trusted the most making him that much more vulnerable when Father does come to claim him. I've seen this same scenario play out hundreds of times all ways following the same route. Your best bet is to stick with your partner as it will not only increase your moral, but probably save yours, and his life in the long run.
ReplyDeletePS. You should be nervous I'm not usually this nice to my enemies.
No Cam, dont break up with Jake! Show the Slenderman who's boss and be with the man you love! If you leave jake now, you show Slenderman that /he's/ really running your life, not you. Love is the most important thing in the world and you've got to hang on to that...telling Jake or not, that I dont know. Im realing with the same kind of question myself. good luck to the both of you.
ReplyDelete-June
@Tensor, We don't know you. We've never interacted. I'm not sure we qualify as enemies yet.
ReplyDeleteAnd I find it interesting that you think we might survive if we stick together. I'll keep it in mind.
@June, Hi there. Thanks. I don't think we can stay together without me telling him, because being slendystalked does change a person's life dramatically.
-Cam
Oh for fuck's sake. Cam, anyone you get close to will be in this same danger. You've got someone who doesn't care about that, who will move the sun and stars to be with you, and you want to break up with him. What is wrong with you!? MARRY THE LUCKY BASTARD!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I think. I think you might be right. I'll... I dunno. I have to think it over. But I think you're probably right. Thank you.
ReplyDelete-Cam
Keep in mind though that;
ReplyDelete1) any action you take will probably result in the same action
2) it's harder to travel with baggage, inanimate or real, and
3) the rate of infection for you two may be very, very different. Maybe he's just starting. Will being thrust into your level of infection allow him to learn the ropes or will it just prolong, for lack of a better way to say, the inevitable? Newbies are a liability but sometimes they prove useful.
Either way, "keeping him out of this" isn't an option. It may just be better to get him on the bandwagon.
There's no way to keep them safe.
Believe me.
I've tried.
... Spencer, I don't really have anything to say to that. Except that I'm sorry about whatever happened to you.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you. I think
-Cam
You should have just told him, Cam. It might have helped in the end.
ReplyDelete