Saturday, July 30, 2011

Back to Work

I'm sorry about last night's post. Yesterday was bad.

When I escaped Star's diabolical plans, instead of heading straight out of town like I said I would, I went back to the apartment. I needed my notes, my money, some clothes, and the things Cam left for me. A pile of letters and a notebook.

The idiot made one of THOSE notebooks. And I never knew. Hidden in the blank pages is a pretty accurate picture of... of how he died. He definitely drew it. I... I don't know when he did, but he knew. He fucking knew. What the fuck is this? Apparently he was never as Slendyfree as he said he was. I just don't understand why he lied.

While waiting for Nick at the apartment, I started talking to Shaun, and he...I dunno, he went fucking nuts and started freaking out about how I wasn't safe. I didn't know what else to do, so I ran. Six blocks faster than I've bugged out in a long time. Found myself at the cemetery. Got to see Cam one last time before I left town...

That was where Nick met me. I was an absolute mess, I'll admit it. I was lucky that it was deserted that morning. Not many people want to visit a graveyard on a bright, hot morning. The rest of the day was spent alternately doing things like setting up a meeting with August and Spencer and selling the car and randomly breaking down on poor Nick. I'm not proud of it, but I had my one day. I let myself grieve for one day. I gave an entire day to the fear and misery and desperation.

No more. I've got work to do if I want to help those of you who need my help. I don't have time for tears and crying.

August, Spencer, I'm sorry you had to see me like that yesterday. Dinner went badly, and a lot of that is my fault. Thank you for all of your help.

And It All Goes To Hell Again

I'd hoped that when I posted tonight to let you know that I got away safely I would be able to tell you that things were starting to look up. That maybe now that I was free and moving and with Nick I'd be able to find some peace.

I should know better by now. 

I'm tired of losing my friends. I'm tired of being afraid, I'm tired of fucking Slendershit and fucking crying and never knowing who's going to be next because everyone I care about is wrapped up in this.

I don't... I can't talk about this right now. I'm going to go to bed and hold tight to Nick and hope that everyone will still be alive when I wake up.

Friday, July 29, 2011


I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm free, I'm safe. Well, as safe as I can be, under the circumstances. By the time this goes up, I'll have been gone for two hours. I'm getting the fuck out of town, and that should be plenty of time for me to be off in a direction and be difficult to trace.
The alarm probably will have gone up by then, anyway.

It was surprisingly easy to get away. Terminator was on guard duty, and he was tired and distracted and forgot to lock the door... Something distracted him, he ran off, and it wasn't much work to sneak out. I almost feel bad for Star-two days he was in top form and some incompetent moron ruined it for him.
Yeah, if he hadn't been planning on killing me today, I would be sad about that. As it stands, FUCK YES FOR INCOMPETENT MINIONS!

Anyway, I'm at a McDonalds posting this and they're getting pissy that I haven't ordered anything, so I'm going to head out. I'll put a proper post tonight when I'm on the road.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Apparently I'm a Damsel Now

eah. This week can officially go fuck itself.

Just to recap, this week my cat, my neighbor, and my best friend have been killed because of me. I've been questioned and accused by the police. I've been forced into protective custody on threat of jail time for 'parole violations'. I've been insulted and harassed by the officers 'protecting' me. I've been denied the right to attend the funeral of one of the people I care about most in the world. And now I've been fucking kidnapped.

What. The. Fuck.

I'd better keep this simple, else my captor might get bitchy. When he's not being cartoonishly insane, he's actually fairly threatening, something I think we all tend to forget, and I'd like to keep the bruising to a minimum, thanks. I'd rather not spend the next few weeks healing up because I was stupid and reckless.

Okay, that's a complete lie, you know me. I'm as noncompliant as they come, and Shitstar you're going to have to do something about it if you want that to change. I only agreed to write this post because I wanted people to know that I'm still fine. A bit roughed up, but fine.

Right. Anyway. I was sitting in the hotel room, as per the rest of this terrible fucking week, when Cuntmuffin drove the killdozer through the fucking wall.  Just out of nowhere. I have no idea how he found where I was-I didn't even know where I was. I'm not stupid, nor was it my job to protect someone stupidly against a fucking tank, so I went for cover while they shot up the room. Being unarmed I peered over but did not go charging out when the shooting stopped, only to find Cockrobin and a few of his minions(but not that fucking clown, thankfully) pouring out of the dozer. They grabbed me, and as there were four of them and I didn't have weapons, I didn't fight. Much.

And now I'm locked in a room again, except this time Shitstar and his morons are outside and I have NO IDEA when I'll be able to get out of here. Technically this is the point where I'm informed I'm supposed to do the whole 'Help me, Obi-Wan, you're my only hope' thing, but fuck that noise. Nick, stay put. I don't know where we are, though I'm almost positive we're still in town, we couldn't have gotten far in the Dozer. But I'm not exactly helpless, I'll think of something.


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Stir Crazy

Okay, my guards are all asleep. Except for the one who can't leave his post by the door. I should be safe to post. It looks like the blogs are pretty dead right now, except for poor Shroedinger. Not much I can do for her, or for Konaa, who I'm still worried about. I can't go do anything for Shaun either, as much as I'd like to after the revelation of his insane fucking situation. I can't do anything for or with anyone right now because I'm STUCK IN A MOTHERFUCKING ROOM.

Sure. I have the laptop. I have cable, and permission to order movies off of the pay-per-view. But I have a hotel bedroom and bathroom as my only room to move. I have several police officers who like staring over my shoulder and whom I have to get permission from before closing the door. ANY door.

I've been working half the time I've been here, partly out of a perverse desire to make the cops as uncomfortable as I am, partially because I thought I'd need the money, but after what happened this afternoon, that's not really a problem.

Apparently Cam had a will on file, and it was read today. Cam left me half of his money. Half. I'm not going to tell you how much that is, but it's more money than I've ever had in my life. By a SIGNIFICANT margin. I also get to keep the laptop and the car, and there's apparently a notebook I'm supposed to look at... I'll have to see about finding it when I can go home.

In the less good news, I'm not to be allowed to go to Cam's funeral. Too much of a risk Prosper will show up to try and finish the job. Though of course, they don't know it's Prosper. The point remains, and they're probably even right, but I don't like it. I would've liked to give him a  proper send-off.

Fuck, it's late. They'll start waking up soon, and I need to get some sleep.

Sunday, July 24, 2011


I'm alive. I don't fucking know how I'm alive, but I am. Apparently Prosper isn't horribly observant. Or I'm really fucking lucky. Either way, I survived the few desperate hours before I dared come out and see if I'd made it. He was gone, Cam was...
Jake was gone. No body, minimal signs of fighting, just gone. I don't know what that means. I can't... I can't think about it yet.

I called the police, because again, what else do you do when you're roommate...

Well. I had to call. I was once again at the station, answering questions. I went in at like 7am, and I didn't leave until  half an hour ago. First it was the questions, then it was the waiting. They wanted me to submit to their 'protection'. I wouldn't have gone, but they managed to make the paperwork from my approval to go to the wedding vanish, and it was either police protective custody or back to prison for parole violations. Only for a week, admittedly, but I don't fancy my chances back in prison. Even without slendershit there's plenty of people who want me dead.

So, I'm here. In some nondescript hotel. On the bright side, this is a suite, so the policeman in the room doesn't have to stand over me to guard the door. On the downside, I'm trapped in a room I'm not allowed to leave for the next week. And I've no idea how much they're watching what I'm doing. I don't have my notes. I don't have any real privacy. I wasn't allowed back into the apartment to pack a bag, they brought a bunch of nondescript clothes in roughly my size. They allowed me to bring the laptop and my cell, both of which I took with me to the police station to begin with. Technically this is 'at will' so in theory when my parole ends Saturday I can walk out the door and not look back.

We'll see if that works in practice. In addition, lets see if I can last this week without getting myself into trouble with the officers. After C-after what happened, I'm not really in a sit and hide sort of mood. More a 'run and hunt down the bastard that did this' mood or a 'run the fuck away and never look back or else he'll find you' mood. Depending.

But, fuck. I'm alive. Completely unharmed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much if I had been.

He's here he's here he's here.
I haven't seen the bastard in ten years and he's here he found me how did he find me I changed my name I changed everything HOW DID HE FIND US.

Cam's dead. In bed. Covered in blood. I saw. Jake.. I don't know where. Had to hide. Hiding. Can't make a sound can't scream can't breathe above a whisper if he finds me I'm done ogodogodogod

Nononononono. I've changed I dont Imnot noplease leave. Youkilled Cam, my friend, my best friend, you kiled him and all he did was be my friend

Okay. I don't know if he'll find me, but I refuse to let what might be my last post be just mad ramblings. I'm better than that.

I'm sorry I lied, Shady. It's him, of course it is. I was there too. I didn't know you that well, but well enough apparently. If I survive this, I can give you some answers.

Jake, if you're alive I'm sorry. Cam's dead because of me.

Nick. I wish we'd had more time. We were amazing. If I get out of this... well, I don't really have anything I'd change.  I just want more of what we have. Maybe that's greedy, but it's been a long time since it was that easy to smile.

Shaun. I'm glad you're alive. Wish I wasn't about to die immediately after, but that's how shit goes sometimes, I guess. Thank you for everything.

Konaa, I'm sorry about your family. We both lost people important to us tonight, and if I survive this, we'll both be running. Hang tight. You've still got us. We'll help you if you let us.

Lucas, Joel, thank you for believing in me before everyone else did. I'm so glad I could help you.

There's a lot I would tell you if I were slightly more sure I was going to die. As it stands, I think I have about a fifty fifty shot. I'm just sitting here, hiding, waiting, hoping he goes. Or maybe I'm lying, and I'm running. I could be halfway across town by now, Prosper, and you'd never know. I could be anywhere. You lost the element of surprise. Leave me alone.

Guys, I honestly don't know if I'm going to make it through this. This is the first time since... well, since things I don't want to discuss, that I haven't been sure if I would make it. If I'm not back here posting sometime within the next 24 hours, I'm probably dead. If not, I'll see you then and fill you in a little more on what's happened.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Back to the Real World

Elaine made me promise to put something up. The police are still talking to her-I think they're trying to get her to agree to protective custody. Like that would have happened even BEFORE Slendershit made the existence of police a damn moot point. Elaine's a stubborn bitch and that's not likely to change for the police. 
She hates them. Don't think she's ever told you lot that. Can't say I blame her really, not knowing what I know now. She's not overly fond of military types for the same reason, but she seems to have made an exception for me, which I'm grateful for.

Right. Sorry. Distracted. Don't want to think about things but I have to and fuck if I'm not supposed to be trained to deal with this sort of thing. It's a bit different out in the battlefield versus on your couch, though. 

To really understand this, I'm going to have to tell you about the phone calls we've been getting this week. Elaine didn't say anything up here because she didn't want to worry people, and the call we got yesterday she wanted to keep from Cam for a little while for his sake. Wednesday morning, Anne called us and told us that someone had left a torn up stuffed cat on the doorstep. We thought-we HOPED it was just a stupid prank or someone trying to psych us out. We didn't hear anything Thursday, so we relaxed a little. Yesterday, however, Anne called us with the news that River had been killed and left on display. Not just killed, either, but skinned and tortured and... It was bad. Anne was hysterical telling us about it. She called the police and Elaine and I agreed to keep this from Cam until we were leaving so he could enjoy his vacation.
We agreed that it was probably a proxy, but that there was nothing we could do until we got home. We did warn Anne to stay away for her own safety, but apparently she didn't listen

Anne was in our apartment when we got home. It looks like she had been trying to clean up some of the blood for us. Whoever killed her  used that to their advantage. The bleach she'd been using had been poured all over her mutilated body. It was gruesome and detailed and I really wish I could've kept Cam from seeing.

Elaine called the cops, because as much as she dislikes them she's not stupid. And we've been at the police station for the past hour. They think this has something to do with her past and want us all to go into protective custody until they can catch the killer.  There's no real good way to tell them that they WON'T catch the killer, so we're left looking like stubborn idiots. Really, I'm okay with that, so long as we're alive. Elaine and I are going to fortify the crap out of the apartment. No one gets in without us knowing about it.

Here's hoping that'll last us until we can figure out what to do from here.


Friday, July 22, 2011

One of You Now, I Guess

Don't have much to say here, really. I'm not exactly verbose in the normal way of things. I'd planned on leaving the blogging up to Cam and Elaine, they're the ones with things to say. I'm kind of the muscle here. Not that I have a problem with this-protecting people is what I do best.

But I figured you all might like to know that I've seen him now. Last night. Went out to the big balcony thing we have for some air while Cam was asleep, and there he was. Just staring. Now I see why you all were so scared. There aren't words. He's... I'm reminded of reading Lovecraft in high school. That overwhelming sense of horror and the realization that there's nothing that can stop it. I've stared down the barrel of a fanatic's gun, I've been captured and tortured, I've been in fights where the entire world is chaos and gunfire and debris, and yet somehow none of it was a tenth as terrifying as this faceless man in a suit.

But then, I'm a fucking soldier. I don't just cower in the corner, no matter the fear. Didn't stop me from being pants shittingly terrified, but I refused to let it defeat me. I went into the living room and started watching a cheerful movie on TV until he went away. Before too long, Elaine came out and saw me, and she sat with me. She saw him too, which isn't too much of a surprise, really. Not long after, he left, and we discussed plans until we were ready to head back to sleep. I'm not sure Cam or Nick even knew we were awake.

I expect I'll do some heavy duty freaking out later, but for now I'm just kind of in shock. The good thing about being a soldier, though, is you learn to deal with the fear, so with any luck I'll be able to manage this until what Elaine's trying to teach me can kick in.

Either that or I'll bugger off to a shooting range for a bit to relieve some tension. Possibly both.


The Wedding

Cam and Jake probably won't be leaving their part of the hotel room for the next day or two, so I figure I should maybe put up a post about the wedding itself.

Short version? It went fucking nuts.
The actual ceremony went more or less as planned, though the fact that several of us had spotted Cockrobin running about and were concerned put a bit of a damper on things. The boys didn't notice, though, and I can honestly say watching those two glow as they said their vows was probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen. People were crying and cheering as they kissed, and I had to laugh at how uncomfortable Jake's mom was looking at the whole thing. Crazy homophobic bint.

It was only AFTER the ceremony that things got crazy. August ran off to follow Cuntmuffin when he vanished. Spencer grabbed Nick and Konaa to deal with the body of the chef-Star had killed him and poisoned all the food. Even the cake, which I think Cam about had a heart attack when he realized. Cam's aunt Jennifer got horribly sick, which would be worse if she weren't the aunt that walked up to Cam and I before the ceremony to ask if he was quite sure he wouldn't rather marry me instead. So, really, I'm not going to feel too guilty over what is apparently merely a temporary inconvenience. No idea whether Shitstar did that on purpose or picked the wrong poison.

In any event, that was about the point that the chairs exploded. Someone-probably Moaningstar but possibly someone else-had rigged them all with explosives. No one was seriously hurt, they didn't explode hard enough to do anything past throwing a bunch of splinters around. Shitstar at that point had made it back down to the wedding, August had apparently gotten caught up with a bunch of random proxies, and all hell was breaking loose. Jake and I headed out to the hall, where Nick was holding his own. Jake rushed back in to protect Cam while I kept an eye on Nick, ready to intervene if needed.

And right there is where I lose track of what's going on with most everyone. Nick and Star end up in the elevator, which closes. I hovered there for a minute before heading over to help August and Spencer just in time to stop one of them from catching August good. That turns into a proper brawl with the three of us plus Hylo and Lucas. I'm pretty sure that at least some of the proxies ended up dead, but I'm honestly not sure, and I didn't check when August started taking them away.

From what I gather from Nick, he and Shitstar fought in the elevator until it opened on Tiger and Recluse. He then... well, I'll let him tell you about that one, his supernatural stuff is not my area of expertise. But they cut and ran, along with what was probably Gleeman and... that other one. The boring one. With the guns and the sword. I don't bother keeping track. They'd been busy rescuing Nee-Chan from a fight with Konaa, who apparently did some pretty good damage.

In the good news, everyone's alive, and aside from a few relatively minor wounds we didn't take any real hits either. A resounding success for us, especially as we moved into the reception after this, and the hotel even managed to put together an entire new feast for us. I shudder to think how much it cost Cam but it's not like he didn't have the money.

In spite of the fighting and the loss of the cake, I'd call the wedding a success. Cam and Jake are married, they got their dance, they got their cheesy cake cutting moment(though on a significantly less fancy cake). We did the toast thing, and I made a complete ass of myself, and I danced with Nick.

Shitstar and Nee-Chan, that doesn't mean you're ANY less dead when/if I find you. Don't get comfy. I may not believe in killing you guys, but Jake does not share my scruples.


Thursday, July 21, 2011

Getting Together and the Bachelor Party

Oh, the past few days have been so busy. Ever since we've gotten to Vermont there's been caterers to meet, the planner to work with, hotel staff to organize... Planning a wedding-especially one with this kind of security that half the guests can't notice-is really hard.

It's all going to be worth it in... Jeez, a little over six hours. I'm going to be married in six hours. Wow. That's so exciting. I can hardly sit still, but I'm at the point now where I've done all I can and now I have to sit still and pass  the next five hours before I go out there again. Jake went out with Charlie(one of his squadmates) again-he's so nervous I think he would've exploded trying to sit still. That and he's still trying to make sure and spend lots of time with his Army friends. I know some of them were weirded out, if not by me than by the fact that he'd been lying to him since the moment he met them. Can't really blame him for wanting to give them his time to be sure. Besides, after tonight, we'll have forever together. <3

And, after all, I've been heading out to meet people off and on. Yesterday I took Konaa and Hylo shopping for wedding clothes. It was glorious, their clothes look amazing, and we had a grand time. I went ahead and paid for their clothes because they're expensive, and generally the Stalked don't have spare cash, what with hospital visits and hotels and weapons and such. And, I mean, they've come all the way to Vermont to come to my wedding. I figure it's the least I can do.
In any case, shopping with you two was wonderful, and I'm sorry the bakery we found wasn't very good. Someday I'll bake for you myself to make up for it.

A few hours later I was off with Jake, Elaine, and Nick to meet Lucas and Joel for coffee. Jake and Nick had of course never met or really interacted with Lucas and Joel, but it went pretty well. Elaine spent most of the time glowing in the company of her new lover, and I think we're all glad to see her so happy. It was also good to see Lucas and Joel well and happy. I know they've been having a bit of trouble since they left us, but both of them were solidly there, healthy, whole(more or less) and looking pretty happy to be there.  I love seeing my friends doing well, especially these days.

A few hours of 'downtime' where I worked on last minute stuff with caterers, then it was time for the bachelor party! Jake went to a bar with some of his army friends,  whereas MY party, which consisted of Hylo, August and Spencer, and Lucas and Joel. We all-well, except for Spencer- dressed in drag and went to a gay bar. It was fabulous, and August looked amazing in his dress and got SO MANY PHONE NUMBERS. Everyone looked good in their drag, really. A fabulous time was had by all.

And now... Now I wait for my wedding. Thank goodness for the internet, right? I'll see many of you there!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Airplanes and Dinner Dates

So we're now in the big bad North. I've never actually been this far away from home before. It feels a little strange, and not just because around here everyone gives me funny looks because of my accent. Our cab driver from the airport talked to me like I was stupid because of it.

Otherwise, I'm enjoying the trip. Cam and Jake are absolutely fucking adorable together, and you should have SEEN the looks Jake gave Cam as we got to the hotel and he got to look around. He was so excited. And the room is fucking gorgeous. Three bedrooms, a huge living room, three bathrooms and an indoor jacuzzi. It's going to be a little awkward sharing a hotel room with newlyweds, but it is actually bigger than our apartment, so I'm not too worried.

Plus, Nick and I can fight back if need be. We had our date tonight, which was nice. We've been talking... and having some strange dreams... since around the time Lucas and Joel arrived in Texas. This was our first real date, the first time we've met in person at all. I will admit to being insanely nervous going in, but if the sleeping man next to me is any indication, it went pretty damn well.

I'm glad we're all getting a chance to just relax and enjoy ourselves. I know a lot of us really need the happy right now. If I believed in a god, I'd be thinking him or her right about now. As it stands, I'm feeling pretty fucking lucky.

In any event, I should get back to Nick before he wakes up. I think we have plans tomorrow with other folks who've gotten into town... I know Cam's been psyched about his shopping trip with Hylo for ages. He'll probably pop on to tell you about that tomorrow.

I have working on Alice's papers, sorting through them and seeing what I can find, but I don't expect to have a lot of free time until we get back to Texas. Honestly, I plan on spending most of my time enjoying the truly excellent company I have right now before I have to go home and wait quite a while before getting to see him again. Because I've realized something.

Those little spots of hope and happiness? We have to grab them with everything we have. We all need to make the most of them while they're here. Otherwise, the fear and the anger and the isolation sets in, and that's the route to madness.

So I'm going to go back to bed, and I'll look forward to seeing those of you I'll be seeing this week.


Monday, July 18, 2011

Alice Carter

As I mentioned before, yesterday while the lovers were having some alone time, I went to go meet Alice's roommates. They were rather confused as to my interest. I had to lie and tell them that I was doing summer coursework. I am once again infinitely grateful at my ability to lie convincingly. They bought it, showed me in, and we sat down to talk.

Apparently, Alice was a sorority girl, all three of the girls at the house were. They'd known each other since rush. She'd been acting weird for a couple months, but when she went antisocial in April, they thought she was just worried about exams.
With a little bit of prying, I found out that there was some weirdness with the school where she'd done her student teaching. A couple of the kids in her class went mysteriously missing right around the time Alice started getting twitchy.
That sounds promising. I need to look into the kids disappearances a little more. I made a note of that, and lucked out-they let me see Alice's room. As soon as I stepped in, there was no doubt. The notebook was Alice's. Apparently she liked to write/illustrate childrens books in her free time, and the walls were covered in her work.
Everything in the notebook is rougher, sketchier than the art that was on her walls, but it was definitely the same style. It almost looked like the writing and drawing in the notebook was regressed. In comparison, it's strangely childlike.

I did find a few more drawings of Slendershit in with her papers, and sure enough all of the writing and drawing in sections with Slendy was the same way. I got their permission to take her story notes, I'll look through them when this wedding madness ends.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Jake's Home and the World is Beautiful

He's home. He's home and beautiful and I didn't have to hold back this time. I could and did run to him as he got off the plane and kiss him. We laughed and cried and held each other, and no one could say shit about it anymore.
I didn't... I couldn't... We've been together for years and I was always afraid to so much as hug him in public before because of his job. Normally it doesn't matter, but after him being gone and not knowing if he'd ever make it back and all the madness with Slendy and Star and Wolf... All I wanted was to touch him and hold him and feel safe for just a moment. And thanks to that stupid rule getting finally repealed, I could.
It was like every mushy reunion moment from every romance novel. The world went away and all that mattered was the two of us holding each other hard.  In the background I heard his squadmates whooping and Elaine laughing, but it didn't MATTER. They could have been shooting at us and it wouldn't have mattered.

We did hurry home, though. I spent the morning cooking all of Jake's favorites, and we all sat down and ate lunch. I'm glad Elaine's mellowed out because of her thing with Nick, because otherwise she never would have put up with how many times the conversation died because we were just looking at each other, or when I spilled the entire pitcher of lemonade on her when I got distracted watching Jake bend over to pet River. It seems strange to think that Jake and Elaine have barely ever talked in person, we all get along so well. It felt like home. The three of us, together. The way it ought to be.

After lunch, Elaine went to go meet with some people about the notebook, and Jake and I sat down to talk and cuddle and relax. I'd planned on perhaps saving the news about Slendy for a little later, because we were so happy, but after a few minutes of cuddling, Jake turned to me very seriously, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to put it off.
The conversation, as far as I remember it.

"Cam. What's that on your neck?"
I winced. That cut from Star's knife is still there. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
He frowned at me. "Cam, that looks like someone was trying to slice your throat open."
"Well, maybe. It's a long story, and I don't know all of it."
He frowned. "Cam, don't hide this from me. Tell me, so I can help."
I cuddled up, shivering a little. "There's something after me. Well, me and Elaine both. You have to swear to hear me out, hear the whole story, before you tell me I'm crazy. Deal?"
"Deal." He looked nervous, so I didn't delay any further.
"So, you know how you used to tease me when we started dating about believing in God and angels and supernatural forces? Well, I've finally proved you wrong. There's a thing hunting us down, and it isn't human. It's tall and nasty and fast and sprouts tentacles when it's pissed, and if you know about it, it hunts you down and I'm so sorry Jake that's why I didn't want to tell you but I would've had to leave to keep you safe and I just couldn't because I love you too much. Or not enough." I'm pretty sure I was crying at that point, because he gathered me close and stroked my hair.
I continued. "It's crazy, he's a meme, he's a meme, and somehow he's real and I see him at night after Elaine goes to sleep. I never told her that, because she doesn't see him, which means what she's doing is working and I don't want to risk her life so I can cry."
I could practically hear the confusion. "Okay, what? Does this thing have a name? Are you sure you're seeing it? And what do you mean, what she's doing?"
I sighed. "Slender man, yes, and she's doing all kinds of research and experimentation to try and keep us safe. It's been ages and other than a couple of proxies and Slenderman staring at me while Elaine sleeps."
"Proxies?" He asked, sounding concerned.
I nodded. "Humans who work for them. It was one of them that did this." I pointed at my throat. "And another one put Elaine in the hospital a few weeks back. Don't worry, she's fine."
He frowned and looked vaguely murderous. "What. Happened."
I figured he meant about the cut, so I sighed. "Elaine's made enemies with this proxy named Morningstar. For whatever reason, he's taken a liking to her, and she gives as good as she gets, because she's Elaine. He came to Texas last week. To hunt us down, as well as a few other runners. A couple of Star's minions were tracking Elaine when he came here and tricked me into opening the door. The guy is big and tough, and I can't fight, so it wasn't hard for him to pin me with a knife to my throat insisting I cooperate. That's where this came from. The rest..." I sighed and reached for my laptop. "Elaine and I are keeping a blog about the whole situation. Maybe you should just read it, it'll tell the story better than I can off of the top of my head."
He stopped me. "Later. What you're telling me is that a big scary nightmare thing and all his murderous minions are gunning for you two?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Do you believe me?'
He frowned. "You believe it. And Elaine believes it. So I believe it." It looked like there was more to that than he was saying, but I didn't question it. "So what do we do now?"
"Elaine's out doing research to help with all of this. The apartment is more or less a safe zone so long as we follow the rules."
"Keep the blinds closed at all times, don't allow yourself to get scared or depressed, it's easier for him to fuck with us that way. Oh, and I know you probably noticed we're a lot more fortified now. Elaine set up some traps I'll show you later."
He blinked. "So, we need to be staying positive?"

After that, you don't really need to hear the rest. Suffice it to say that it was a very good night. But yes. Jake knows now, and he's home, and he's snuggled up to me as I type this. For the moment, not even Slenderman himself could bring me down.
Anything Elaine has to say, she'll put up tomorrow while Cam and I are out and about doing last minute stuff before the wedding.

I wanted to introduce myself briefly, since apparently this whole blog thing is a big part of this. Hi, I'm Jacob, as Cam has mentioned, I'm in the US Army, and I've just come home from a deployment in Iraq. 
More importantly, the man in my arms, Cam Hudson, is the love of my life and I am going to marry him in just a few days.
To any of the douchebags trying to kill him and our roommate, I have news for you. You've got a big angry man with a gun standing in your way. He is my lover and I will protect him with everything I have. Unlike Cam and Elaine, I have no problem doing whatever needs to be done to keep them safe. Consider this your warning.


Saturday, July 16, 2011

Apologies and the Core Theory

I'm not entirely sure why I decided to post the big clincher to the 'series' way early yesterday, but you'll have to forgive me for holding it in reserve. I have an order for this stuff, research into what came before needs to happen before I go into what happens next.

That said, I apologize for my scatterbrained post from yesterday. Everyone occasionally has moments when they are at less than their best. I won't let it happen again. It was kind of a freak circumstance.

Right. On to business. First, before I forget any further, I talked to James a few days ago. In my head. It was creepy as shit, but interesting. Got some info on his Paths, which is different, apparently, from the Path of Black Leaves. I have some theories on that, but those'll keep till I've done more research.

And now, my topic for the day- Core Theory.

I kind of feel a little guilty for tearing into Robert's work so soon after his death, but his Core Theory has been such a defining force for the stalked that I can't afford to ignore it and I've delayed it long enough.

Honestly, even now that it's been thoroughly discredited, the Tulpa theory, the concept of the Sages, and even the belief so many of us had that there's some obscure and/or complicated way of defeating slendy for good are all still alive and well among us. How many of us treat Nick, Ryuu, and Kay just a little bit differently, a little bit more respectfully, because they're the Sages now? How many times do people mourn over not knowing Slendy's weakness, as if this is a video game and there's a cheat code that will ensure victory? I've already discussed the Tulpa theory in relative detail.

Basically. Core Theory was an exercise in simple human arrogance. What the crap made us think we had some mystical power to change an eldrich abomination by thinking about it? That's the sort of thing no self respecting adult should even consider. It's foolish, arrogant, and self indulgent. We saw the first thing that resembled hope in this dark mess and grabbed at it, without stopping to consider what exactly it was we were signing on for.
I've seen the old blogs, where everyone was picking titles for themselves or getting handed titles by people they looked up to. It honestly reminds me of little kids playing dress up and thinking the clothes actually made them what they were pretending to be.

We learned, but slowly. And the lesson cost us. We lost a lot of good people trying to make Core Theory work. Hell, and even after Core Theory fell, Zero and Amelia still staged the doomed and frankly absolutely idiotic Solstice battle. My dear Quixoties, there are far better ways to lose your life than this.

Even after all of that, so many of us flocked to Robert every time he made a comeback. We still made a fuss when Maduin passed on the sage titles. And Nick, Ryuu, and Kay, you took them. You let Maduin pass you a title and validated it by treating it like it meant something.

Edit: Because I'm an asshole, it didn't immediately occur to me how terrible that sounds. To clarify. Kay, Nick, Ryuu? You were ALREADY that awesome. Sure, you deserve the attention and respect the titles have gotten you, but taking the titles was not the way to go. Because it doesn't change anything, just perpetuates a system that does more harm than good.

Edit the second: Because Cam ACTUALLY just smacked me. Sorry, guys. Really. As I said below. You want the titles, that's fine. You seem to have done a pretty good job of not expecting the title to do the work for you. What I'm trying to say is that I personally don't think it was a good idea. At all. I recognize I have no say in what you do with your lives. And I also recognize that I wouldn't recognize tact if it smacked me upside the head with a fish. I think it was a bad idea, and I think the best way to get anywhere with getting our lives back is to finally leave the last bits of Core Theory behind. I didn't mean to attack you, though I recognize that this is what I did. And yes, Cam is editing this for clarity and to save me a lot more foot in mouth. Doesn't mean it's any less true from me.

Titles aren't inherently bad. You know what, you want a title, that's fine. Some people like them, and that's their own damn business. What IS bad and DOES need to stop right now is the idea that taking a title makes you any different or better than you were before you started using it. That's bullshit. Giving yourself a fancy new name and patting  yourself on the back doesn't do JACK FUCKING SHIT. So remember, kiddies. If you want a title, make sure you give it the power, and don't expect it to give you the power.

If we ever want to get anywhere, that has to stop. The Core Theory needs to die. We will never get anywhere if we rely on DISPROVEN superstitions.

That said, honestly, the Core Theory was what saved us, even if it was wrong. Because, as I noted yesterday, look at the bloggers a year ago, then look at us now. We're united, we're fighting, we're learning and working together. THAT is the real power of the Core Theory.

We are FIGHTING. Look at us, we're so much stronger than we were. Just regular men and women all over the world banding together to trade notes and sympathies and offering comfort and crash space to each other. This is the key to EVERYTHING. If we want to defeat Slendyshit, it won't be because we weakened it. It will be because WE are strong enough now to defeat him.

That, I think, is what was responsible for that whole Revenant/Conduit debacle. It's been noted that it would be most effective as a distraction, and guess what, it was! Because we were too fucking busy running around chasing superheroes to notice how much stronger we've all become. And even now that we know the superpowers are fake, we haven't really noticed the power in our unity. If even Slenderp is worried enough about what we've become to throw out a big, fancy, power/energy/time consuming distraction, I'd say we're on the right fucking path. Don't you think?

So. Put down the fucking titles, stop looking for a miracle, and pay attention to what we can do. Because, you want to know a secret? All the titles do is tell you what you ALREADY KNOW about yourself. Or at least, what you should know. You don't need a title. You just need to know who the fuck you are and what you can do. We all need to take a long look at ourselves, join up with our neighbors, and brace ourselves for the day when our unity outclasses his horror.

Be ready.


Friday, July 15, 2011

Eulogy, The Notebook, and Fear and the Narrative Theory

I have a lot to talk about today. Things are crazy around here, getting ready for the wedding next week. Jake's going around getting everything spotless and assembling groceries and supplies for welcoming Jake home. Not to mention he's CONSTANTLY on the phone with his wedding planner trying to get everything settled. I've been working almost constantly to make up for losing all of last week to the wedding. But I wanted to get all of this up.

Before I get down to business and what happened last night, I wanted to pay my respects to Robert. I didn't really ever know him, and I wasn't around for the period of time in which he was the hero(though not The Hero) who thought of the Core Theory that everyone thought would save them.
You can say what you want about the Core Theory(and honestly I have a post I'm working on that thoroughly dissects it), but the fact is, when Robert brought it out, it gave everyone hope. Reading the old blogs, there's so much despair and uncertainty. It doesn't seem like anyone had any real hope that anything other than running would work. Fighting was foolish, making a stand suicidal. All you could do was separate and run and hope it was enough.
But then Robert hit the scene, and with him came Jay and Shaun who didn't just run. They learned, they fought, and Robert encouraged everyone to do the same. And now look at us? The Theory is done, but we're all fighting and learning and working together to do something more than just run for our lives. And in a way, we owe it all to the crazy bastard who decided to give the Stalked titles to give them something to be proud of and to fight with.
So, he was batshit insane, but he did great things for us. He will be missed.

Okay, the events of last night. Those of you who follow me on Twitter would've noticed my tweet about seeing Slendershit outside of work. Yeah, that's right, I worked an eight hour shift at the burger joint and he was staring in through the window at me for five of those, off and on. Don't worry, he was gone by the time I left work, and he didn't do anything. It was merely fucking terrifying.

More important things also happened last night. During my lunch break, I pulled out the notebook to try and see if I could get anything from it. I've been working on it a lot lately, trying to figure out what secrets it holds. I have it wrapped in one of those old fabric book covers, so no one sees the operator symbols and gets infected. I just look like I'm reading a book. Today, however, my manager came to chat with me and saw it.
He's a cool guy, we talk often, so I didn't think anything of it till he glanced at the book and recognized the handwriting. It belonged to a friend of his.
Alice Carter, 22, just graduated with an education degree. Had a boyfriend, a job lined up, and a lot of friends before she vanished. First her dog, then her around two weeks later. Her roommates were concerned, and it's only been like a month.
I didn't let him see the notebook, but I got him to give me the contact info for Alice's roommates. I called them this morning, and they agreed to let me come talk to them Sunday. That's good, I need something to do while the boys bill and coo.
I'm hoping that something will come of it.

Tangentially related is my research topic of the day.
Fear. And how it relates to my narrative theory. I had a thought, while trying to avoid looking at tall, dark, and faceless in the window. It goes back to the whole genre-savvy thing.
We say this is like a story, but what if it's the opposite? What if-

Hang on, Cam's awake.

Okay, Elaine's coming with me for some fun. She can finish her work later. After last night, she needs this.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Tango with Twinkletwat/ News from Cam

Hi. This is actually Cam. Elaine has asked me to do this because apparently she was late for work. Why she didn't just finish this post while waiting for calls, I'm not sure, but she wanted me to finish it and post it. Here's what she had, then I'll finish it off and let you know when it changes to me.

(Elaine perspective starts here)Right. Most of you know, I think, that Shitstar's been threatening to come try and kill me. He's been talking about it in comments, and hell he's even made a couple of blog posts about how he's in the area plotting how to do so, because apparently he's overconfident and/or stupid.
I'd kind of hoped in a sick way that he was less incompetent than he came off on his blog.

Well, everyone, that has proved to be false hope. I met Star today, and yes, he tried to kill me. And Cam.

I was walking home from my usual 2pm outing, when I noticed two guys following me. At the time I wasn't sure if they were Star's crew, random other proxies, or completely unrelated to Slendy at all, but I knew that if they were following me, they were probably bad fucking news. So, I pull out my phone, text Cam to let him know what's going on, put something up on twitter, then casually led the way down a side street and into an abandoned house I used for a creative writing project last fall. Once in, I managed to get the drop on them, largely because I actually knew the layout of the house. They had me outnumbered, but not outclassed. I had the advantage of having been fighting for more than a few weeks. I was fighting them off and had one knocked out on the floor and one backing the fuck off, when Cockrobin arrived, holding a knife to Cam's throat.
I don't remember exactly how it all happened, but I'll put it down as accurately as I can.

"Twinkletwat. You fucker. Put Cam down and lets settle this properly." I spat, flipping him off.

He smiled at me, that sick disturbing smile that never leaves  his face. "Now why would I want to do that, Lainey? This is WAY more fun. Even Cammy agrees, don't you Cammy?"
I frowned and glared, ignoring Cam's frantic look. If I focused on him, I'd get scared and sloppy, and I couldn't afford that for us now. "How fucking original. You going to keep spouting cliches, or are you going to put him down so you can get at me, like we both know you want?"
"Oh Lainey, I don't have to kill you myself. That's what they are for." He only then seemed to really focus on the mess I'd made of the two I'd been fighting, and he glared. "At least in theory. Angmar, Scarecrow, what is this bullshit? You idiots even can't keep one little girl under control?" His smile faded and he stepped forward to slash Scarecrow's throat. Just killed his own fucking man for not killing me.
I'll admit, a bit of fear surged through me. However much it seems like he's an inept idiot, watching him murder his own man without being phased was chilling. Cam went a delicate shade of green and passed the fuck out. "The fuck? You're a twisted son of a bitch and you need to get the fuck away from me and mine. Get. Out. Now."
His smile came back. "That's not very nice, you know. I came all the way here to play with you."  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife. "You should play with me, Lainey, or I tell Angmar here to kill Cammy. Even he can't mess up killing an unconscious boy. Hopefully." I almost laughed at the look Cuntmuffin shot his minion here. It was so stereotypically the irritated supervillain.
For lack of a better option, I sighed. "What. You want to fight me? Isn't that a little... not your style?"
He laughed, and a less happy laugh I've never heard.  I've been seeing him almost every night in my dreams for weeks now, and I knew him, I knew how he moved, how he spoke, how he looked. But somehow it never chilled me there like it did when I was facing him in the real world, with sunlight streaming in through the windows and a corpse on the floor. I continued, fighting hard to keep my composure. "I thought you only took people when they weren't expecting it. Is that what happened to your brother?" I smiled coldly at him, trying to psych him out. "I did my reading, just like you said. I know you killed him. What was it? Were you jealous? Did you just not want to share the spotlight anymore? Did you think your parents liked him better?"

"Laniey, talk too long and I'll get bored. You don't want that." He told me, his smile thin and angry.
I could tell I was getting to him, he's pretty obvious about the random subject changes. Remember that, if you ever have to face him. And remember this. Don't press the matter. It doesn't end well. Not unless you're prepared to face a psychopath with a knife who is really pissed and really good at killing people. I, of course, did the stupid thing, injured and worn out. "Bored? No. This isn't boring. Don't you like to talk about how you brutally murdered your family? I expect your brother was the first, since you apparently still feel guilty about it. Imagine, you, still feeling guilty about killing someone." I smirked at him.
He scoffed theatrically. "Me, feel guilty? Never. I don't know what you're talking about."
He looked uncomfortable, so I ignored him. "But that's it. Maybe you still feel guilty about all your kills? You certainly spend a lot of time on your blog talking about how you'd prefer to not be a proxy. A lot of it is subtle, but it's there. I have a list at home."
"What are you talking about? I love my work!" He was getting shifty and toying with  the knife in his hand. I figured I had him.
"Really? Can't say I blame you. They keep trying to hollow you out. Offered to kill you once. But you keep slipping the mind control. Are you that much of a freak? Just a freak who wasn't good enough for his parents and killed his brother off to get back at them?"
He froze, the grin gone and replaced with an in human snarl, and he dove for me in a fit of rage. "You." he growled, slashing at me and forcing me to jump back in a way that I'm already regretting. "Don't. Know. Anything. You crazy bitch."
Each word was punctuated by an attack, and one of them got me, a long shallow scratch across my left arm. He was furious and I was worn out, and it was all I could do to fend him off. Don't think he even noticed any damage I did to him. Not sure if I even did, to be honest. Didn't take the time to check, so long as he was still attacking. For that matter, he kept the rant going solid, though I tuned him out in favor of paying attention to what he was doing in the fight.
I'll be honest. Considering I'd accidentally pushed his panic button, there's a good chance we both would've died there had I not managed to push Star into Angmar's back. He whirled and attacked Star on reflex. I didn't stick around to see what happened next, I just grabbed Cam and ran to the nearest police station. (Elaine perspective ends here)

Okay, it's me again. I was waking up when we cut and ran, and I remember with great detail the panicked several block run to the station, Elaine bleeding pretty heavily but going strong. The police were some of the same lot who'd talked to us about Wolf, and they were therefore inclined to believe us when we said we'd been attacked. They had us sit down, bandaged Elaine's arm, as well as a few other cuts she didn't mention. Once again, there were a lot of questions, but we were lucky that Elaine has a very believable reason for being attacked that had nothing to do with any of this mess, and when they were faced with the body of the guy Star killed and the two of us, beat up and exhausted, they were inclined to believe us.

I think Elaine's still worried she'll get arrested for this, but I'm pretty sure we're fine. She just needed a couple of stitches, and I'll have a rather ugly cut on my neck for the next few days, but we'll be fine.

In a strange way, Star, I have to thank you. I have my answer now. I'm going to tell Jake. That whole time Star was walking me to that house, all I could think about that I'd never again have a chance to tell him how much I loved him, I'd never get to marry him, we'd never adopt the kids we want or have a house together.
So, I'm going to tell him when he gets home. I hope it goes well.


PS, a few of you that I've interacted with and are in the area are getting invitations to the wedding. Please, this is a rather small affair and for obvious reasons the security is going to be pretty tight. If any of you need help procuring a hotel room or proper clothes(I know mostly runners don't ravel with formal apparel), let me know, and of course let me know if you're coming, so I have a count. But keep it quiet, please? I'm sure I probably don't have to tell you this, but the logistics of having a bunch of stalked at my wedding are rather daunting.
I'll look forward to seeing you all there!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Where He Comes From

After Tensor's comments on my last post, I decided to divert my series on belief and focus a bit on what exactly Slendyshit is.
The fact is, we don't know. We don't have the slightest fucking clue. Right now it's looking like there are three primary theories, all of which I'm going to cover. There are also a lot of secondary theories that I may cover at some point, but I'm still working two jobs and preparing to fend of Star if needed. So, to business.

Tulpa theory: As stated by M, Robert, Shaun, and a whole mess of others. Primarily associated with the Core Theory these days. In case anyone isn't aware, the idea is that Slenderman didn't exist before Victor Surge's post two years ago on Something Awful. For whatever reason, he grabbed our attention and our belief made him reality. Considering the way information spread about him across the internet, I tend to like this theory.
As far as I can find, outside of firsthand accounts after the fact from bloggers like Tony and proxies like Tensor and incredibly obscure books, no one had ever heard of him until SA. Then references to him started showing up everywhere. Der Ritter, all of the mess at Herakleoplois Magna, all of the references Jean and Thage have found in books.
Even more interestingly, there are no accounts of him from contemporary sources that went up before that SA thread. People like Tensor and Tony only came out and talked about it after. Which could be a simple desire to keep others from being infected, or it could be because they hadn't experienced these things until this thread happened, in a complete mind fuck of timeline insanity. If the concept confuses you, check out Buffy and how Dawn was added to the cast.

Pros: Simple, elegant, believable. The pattern of information makes this seem likely to me, as I mentioned, and it doesn't require belief in other dimensions or supernatural forces.

Cons: Tensor actually raised a good point on that last post. If this is possible, then how, and why did Slendy get Tulpa'd and not some other things that people have believed in just as hard for a lot longer. Or maybe it has? Maybe I should ask Nick about that one.

Conclusion: Overall, this theory is my favorite, because it makes sense. That's how he gets us-he waits till we believe, then strikes. It doesn't feel like a stretch for me to believe that he came into existence the same way.

Reverse Tulpa Theory: As theorized by Maduin and Jay, as well as others. Basically, the idea is that the SA thread brought him to life, but not so much because we believed in him as he used us to get born. A horror stuck firmly in the realm of nightmares, brought by man to the real world to wreak havoc and kill people.
It appeals to a person's sense of the theatrical, and there are certainly plenty of examples, as Maduin points out, of what could have been Slendy trying to intrude on the real world through fiction.
Jack Skellington
The Tall Man
Alex Mercer
The Reapers
And so many others. Coincidence? Maybe.

Pros: A good meeting ground between the Tulpa Theory and the Ancient Evil theory. The prevalence of scary tall pale types with tentacles and/or no face does tend to support it.

Cons: Still. An eldrich horror born out of humanity's subconscious fears? Seems a bit like a cheesy horror movie.

Conclusion: I'm not quite convinced. Maybe I'm just not enough of a believer to think that supernatural beings exist in some alternate realm, just waiting to be brought over, but it seems weak to me.

Ancient Evil: This one's getting more and more popular these days. Jay weighed in on it, as did Jean, Zeke, and Ava. In addition, this is the theory Tensor would have me believe, though I don't think that does anything to actually recommend it.
This theory states that all of that nonsense about Egypt and Der Ritter and ancient doings is all true. He really is some ancient evil beyond mortal comprehension, and he really has been around since the dawn of time, without timeline fuckery.
A variant on this theory is that he hibernates for hundreds of years between feeding frenzies or whatever you want to call it when he comes out to eat, and that's why he's only recently popped back up. Slightly different still is the theory that he only exists when enough people believe/are afraid of him, and so he goes away when people forget.

Pros-Smooths out the issues with timeline insanity the other two theories pose, as well as is perhaps the simplest of the three theories

Cons: The main theory doesn't explain why he only has a few recorded periods of heavy activity over the course of human history, and the variants are either blatant ripoffs of Lovecraft (Cthulhu sleeping anyone?) or end up going back to his reliance on belief.

Conclusion: Not buying it. Again, I think I might be just too much of an atheist to buy into the idea of divine or demonic entities.

Now, your mileage may vary. You may believe wholeheartedly in a different theory than me, or you may think that none of it is true. I'm not sure that it matters so much. What matters is fighting back, and until an origin story suggests a weakness, I'm unconvinced as to the relevance of where it came from. We need to understand who/what it is now, so that we can destroy it once and for all.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Cam's Corner the First

Hi there. It's me again. Not to worry, Elaine's fine. Working, actually, trying to make up for losing almost a week's worth of work between Lucas and Joel's visit and the hospital stay. Normally I would've told her not to worry about it, I do theoretically have more than enough to handle things, but considering we have no idea when or if we're going to need to run, it seems like a good idea to save every penny we can. Outside of spoiling you lot who come to visit, anyway.

But, you really didn't come here to hear about our money situation. Elaine's really diving into the research. If she's not working it's all she does. Pouring through blogs and textbooks and god knows what else. I know she has a lot more than she's put up so far, but when I asked her about it, she said she didn't want to deal in half-finished thoughts.
Fair enough. Though I do wonder what exactly those thoughts are, especially considering some of the blogs I've seen her perusing.

Anyway. The point. I talked to Jacob today. He called, woke me up, considering how wonky my sleep schedule's gotten with the sleeping in shifts thing, but he called and we had an amazing long talk and oh it was so good to hear from him after everything. He tries not to call too often-ever since his unit found out that it was me he was dating, instead of Elaine, they've been kind of titchy about it. Nice titchy, as far as I know, but he still doesn't like to rub their faces in it. And besides, he's been busy of late. Due to scheduling issues and whatever he's up to over there, it's been two weeks since we could do any talking beyond a short 'hello I love you'.
I shouldn't even be in touch anymore, it puts him in danger, but god I needed this. We talked for an hour, and I'd told him that Elaine was in the hospital before. He wanted to know what happened. I had to lie.
I felt like shit, lying to him, so I lied about as little as possible. I told him that a couple of Elaine's friends had come to visit, and that someone bad was after them and had caught up with them at our place.
I didn't tell him that Wolf escaped the police, or anything to suggest that Wolf wasn't just a psychopath. I still felt like scum for lying to him.
I just don't know what to do. I mentioned before, my presence puts him in danger. Marrying me puts his life at risk. Elaine is convinced I should cancel the wedding and break it off with Jake for his own good. I know Jake himself would want me to share, even if it put him at risk, because he's a soldier, he's used to risking his life, and he wouldn't want anything to come between us.
I don't... I want him safe. But I don't think I can stand to hurt him by letting him go now. I don't have very long to make up my mind. Once he gets into town next week, if I haven't decided I know I'll break down and tell him.
I just want to marry the man I love without being responsible for his murder. When and why did that become too much to ask?
What do you even DO in a situation like this?
I don't... I don't know what to do. And I'm not sure that anything I do at this point will really save him, because I'm bad at lying and Jake's clever. What if he starts looking after I leave and gets infected anyway?
There's a fifty/fifty shot leaving him would save him. Not sure I like those odds.
One week left...

Friday, July 8, 2011

Inkheart and the Narrative Theory

Ryuu made a comment on my entry yesterday that got me really thinking.
Looking back on her comment and my response, it was a bit of a tangent, but still a good point I wanted to raise.

When I talk about the narrative theory, the power of belief, I'd like to make it a little clearer what I mean about those two things. In my mind they're pretty closely linked, and there's a reason for that. If we did bring Slendy to life, or if we even merely gave him more power or woke him up or whatever you believe about what happened on SA two years ago(I tend to believe that because WE thought he'd always been there, then he was, but that's not horribly important for the purposes of this discussion), then we started the story going. We set what he does, who he is, how he operates. Some people argue that he changes, a popular example of this is the growing trend towards proxies, but from the very first write ups on the forum there is talk of people following him.

"we didn't want to go, we didn't want to kill them, but its persistent silence and outstretched arms horrified and comforted us at the same time..."

Marble Hornets had Masky from Entry 18 as well. No, I tend to think that his fundamental nature doesn't change, now that we've made him. The trick is finding the loopholes in what he already is. The things that aren't known, that aren't solidified, and using them against him.

The analogy I used before, that got me on this train of thought, is Inkheart. Don't know how many of your read it, it wasn't a half bad book. But I find it relevant for several reasons. The biggest and most helpful reason is this. The basic premise is that there are characters from a book who have been made real in our world. Fictional entites, who have been made real and alive and who terrorize everyone who knows about them. Sound familiar?

That aside, there are grander implications. The main characters meet up with the author at one point, and he expresses surprise that one of them is still alive, because he wrote their death. But that's the thing. The characters are already people, they are who he made them to be. But he doesn't control the story. No one does. When fighting Capricorn, who is the big villain type, they can't change who he is and expect it to work.
They use what already exists to destroy him. To me, that seems the key.

So, sorry to everyone who thinks that if we believe really hard we can make Slendy into a fluffy bunny or some shit, but I'm not buying it. We set the story in motion. We have the ability to write what happens next-but not to rewrite what's already been done.

Just something to think about.


Thursday, July 7, 2011

New Mission Statement

Alright, so I'm reasonably sure I'm no longer off kilter. I feel fine, I can think straight, I'm not wobbly or out of control. Now it's back to what I'm really here for. Research, information, experimentation.

The first order of business today is something rather strange. Specifically, this comment on Lucas and Joel's blog. Why someone was directing a comment at me via their blog, I have no idea. But I am perhaps more confused and put on edge by the message. Tell me, Twinkletwat, why is someone making death threats on you but directing them at me via someone else's blog? I know we play well together, but I really have no interest in having anything to do with you outside of the dreams. So, keep your shit to yourself, please. I have some reading to do...

So, after reading a great deal more blogs (though I still have a great many more to go, my work is never done), I have come to a few conclusions. My goals have changed, and so my Mission Statement needs to change to reflect that.

Firstly, my work on 'the cure.' The first thing you need to know, from everything I've read, is that there isn't one. There is no convenient pill or shot that will make all of the slender influence go away forever. This shit isn't a disease, treating it like one won't solve anything. If this were really that simple, then Slendershit wouldn't be the eldrich horror we all know and love.
I've done my reading. I've read all the proxy blogs I can get a hold of, all the nice ones, the douchey ones and the ones in between. I've read the blogs of people who've been made into proxies against their wills, and the blogs of the ones who cured themselves.
From what I've seen, proxies come in three flavors-crazy fucked up villainous, like Tensor and Twinkletwat, mind controlled like Fizzbomb and Cynthia, and decent people who somehow ended up working for the most psychotic killer ever, like Messenger, Poe, Atalanta, and Maurice. The villainous ones either were already crazy or broken and trained to be that way, like Tensor. The mind controlled ones are too tightly controlled to get to without serious work, and the nice ones... well, they have their own reasons and honestly they don't need a cure, they need hope and an escape plan.
The cure that worked was the one people gave themselves. The ones who found their own redemption, who thought and fought their way to regaining control of their own mind. Jeff, Cheska, and Reach weren't cured because of acid injected into their brains or some drug made out of Revenant blood. They fought their way with their minds.
The other options are fakes and false hope. Jay's acid was good in the short term because it made people forget, and if you're not thinking about Slendy, you're not attracting his attention. But the experiment lasted a month, and honestly these days forgetting isn't enough. If you have the personality that leads you to Slendy once, you'll go back again. We've seen it before, with Nessa and Robert. Jeff's cure was never really properly tracked with people that weren't him or Cheska, who'd been proxified, as far as I've read. I'm not quite sure what to think about the residue that gets coughed up, but I'm guessing it's probably something to do with the fact that some folks get diseases from exposure to Slenderp.
There isn't a miracle cure, but there is something we can do to protect ourselves. To help our friends and loved ones, or just random stalked or proxies that want our help. Due to Lucas' situation, this has been my primary objective. There has to be a way to reclaim our minds, to remove his influence and keep it out. Our minds are ours, dammit, and if my own experience so far is any indication (as well as the experiences of those smarter than me), our minds are the key to everything.
It's not easy, because nothing in life is. But I'm living proof that this shit isn't complete crap. Joel and Lucas tell me that what I taught them seems to be working. It's a bit early to declare it a victory, but it certainly looks promising. I certainly did my fucking research for this shit.
I believe that this process could even help a proxy reform, if they wished to do so, though it's a huge risk for them as it takes time and they could easily be killed.  I've contacted a couple of proxy types about testing this out, but there's been no interest. If you are under his influence and want to test my findings, my email is in my profile.

My secondary concern, that is no less important but harder to test, is that of safety. People have been throwing around the idea of safety for so long, but as far as I know, the only person who's managed to establish any sort of safe zone is Kay, and even she's had problems within it. My theory, which may or may not have anything to do with Kay's house and honestly has a great deal more to do with Maduin and Stumblr, is that keeping positive and laughing away the fear keeps you safe. I talked about this before, and nothing's really changed on this front, except for more positive results on my end. Cam and I have been working rather hard at this one, and we've had little to no direct slendy influence since we got it going. True, there was that problem with Wolf, but the power of positivity has never been known to keep real people away. Need to do more research.

Third, the Notebook. I just know there's a lot more to be learned from it, but I can't for the life of me think of what. I'm thinking of trying to track down who the notebook belonged to. If I can, maybe I can track down a clue to all of this. Whoever this was... she wrote like she knew something. Either she was crazier than most hollowed, or she really did, and I could really stand to gain something from all of this.

Fourth, The more research I do, the more it comes back to belief. Core Theory. Tulpa theory. The ideas on where he came from, what started all of this. It's all related to belief, and I'm convinced that belief shapes so much of the interactions with him. If we can discern what effect belief really has on him, we can use that to fight back, to invent ways to keep ourselves safe. What if Zero was right about the solstice thing all along? We never did properly follow through with it, and maybe that was our downfall.
This also falls into the Narrative, like the notebook talks about. I'm not going to get into that much here, expect a series of posts on my theories about belief, what slendy really is, and how to use that against him.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Back and Ready to Go

Hi there. This is Elaine. Cam is asleep, I doubt he'd approve of me doing this when I'm supposed to be resting and not overusing my abused brain, but fuck if I won't go crazy from sitting on my ass doing nothing soon unless I take matters into my own hands.
I've been catching up on what everyone's been doing, and what Cam has been saying on everyone's blogs, and holy crap didn't the world just go to shit while I was gone. Judith from DejavuDreamer's been posessed or something, Hylo's doing something insanely suicidal and I really hope she has a plan, the Return to Slender folks are in the labyrinth or something,  , and Shaun... Oh, fuck, Shaun. I'm getting really worried. No email, no blog post... When you get out of this, I'm going to smack you for worrying me so much, you hear me?

Okay, still a little wibbly.The whole head injury thing has not been kind to my mental or emotional control. Apologies.
This is why I'm not going through with what I was planning on doing before I got injured and posting my updated Mission Statement, prioritized and annotated. But I haven't written it yet, and I don't think I should write that intil I'm a hundred percent again.

I've been trying to work on the Notebook as well, I may have had some insights, or I may look back at my past day's work in a day or two when I'm back to normal and  wonder what the fuck was wrong with me.

Also, anyone else still having the crazy shared dreams? Considering what I've woken up remembering the past two nights, it would be useful to know whether I have a very awesome imagination or whether the shared dreams are still in effect. Hylo, Nick?

Pretty sure I'm rambling now. Starting to see why the Docs didn't want me overworking my brain.
I'll finish this up and post it.
Stay safe everyone, and Shaun, if you can read this, PLEASE get a hold of me.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

He got away/ A bit About Me

Once again, Joel and Lucas have the heart of the matter. Wolf escaped police custody and is now on the run. Luckily, Elaine is not being implicated in anything, due to her injuries. When the police came back by to talk to us, I could tell she was concerned.
But maybe she's just nervous around cops? I don't... Knowing what I know now, I don't know what to make of it.

Right. Anyway. Elaine can't see the blog yet, she's not allowed to touch the computer. Except for this morning where I nearly got myself kicked out causing a disturbance so that she could send an email to Shaun. Which, if you're reading this, she's worried sick. Which is of course pissing the doctors off, because she's supposed to be resting, but hey. It's Elaine. If she's not worried about something or someone, the world's about to end.
Get back to us when you can, Shaun. She's worried sick.

Right. So, I was going to share a little bit about me, since it seems I'll be on here a fair bit. And also posting gives me something to do when I'm not allowed in Elaine's room. Lucas and Joel have been keeping to themselves a bit, probably planning their next move. Can't say I blame them.

Right. Me. My name's Cam Hudson. I started a PhD program in Urban Folklore last fall. I'm 25, and engaged to the man of my dreams, Jacob. He's in the Army, currently deployed in Afghanistan. He's due to be home in two weeks, and we have a wedding planned and prepared for two days after he gets home, in Vermont. This has been entirely planned and put together by me, as when Jake was deployed we didn't think we'd be able to do anything like that until he left the Army.
Happily, we were wrong, and I'm getting married in two weeks. Probably. I hate to put Jake in the kind of danger he'll be in, living with and being married to me. What if he gets Infected? I don't think I can hide this from him forever, he'll notice, especially with Elaine's work.

Well, I'll deal with that when it happens. In happier news, Elaine's due to be released in the morning, which I think is as much a relief for the hospital as it is for us. She's still supposed to avoid any exertion for the rest of the week, but she'll be home. And when she's better, I found someone who will teach us both to fight. Now that we have this lovely care package full of things to fight WITH...

Friday, July 1, 2011

She's/I'm Awake

The doctors aren't allowing her on the computer or anything that would require concentration, so she's asked me to type up a message from her. Which she says I'm not supposed to editorialize on, but as she can't actually see the screen for at least another few days, what's she going to do?

Ooooh. Okay. That's a pretty nasty threat. I'll stick to dictation, then, shall I?

"I'm fine. I wish these doctors would LISTEN to how fine I am and let me go home and get back on with my work, but they won't listen. They don't understand why anything a freshman would have to do would be important enough to risk serious complications.
We all know, getting stalked by Slendyfuck IS a serious complication, and the sooner I get back to my work, the (hopefully) safer I'll be-and if I'm not a completely egotistical idiot, so will the rest of you. If nothing else, doing something is infinitely better than lying here in bed.
Reminds me too much of... things. Stuck in a tiny room, watched over day and night, given three square but unappetizing meals a day. My visitors are limited, my activities monitored. Yeah. It's like being back in jail.
Yes. I said Back, so Cam, stop gawping at me, I know you got that call from my Parole Officer.
There. I said it. I was in jail, now I'm on Parole, which is why I can't run. In case you lot were wondering.
No, I'm not going to tell the internet what I went to jail for. Cam, yes, I'll tell you later, and two of the people reading this already know. Well, one of them might have forgotten.
The point is, thanks for all the wellwishing. I'm kind of stunned at how many people showed up to wish me well. I don't... I'm not always the nicest woman around. So thanks.
Shaun, relax. Really, I'll be just fine. You know me, I'm a tough bitch. Nothing's changing. We're getting a new door, with a deadlock and a peephole, and we'll be fine. So, if you're still comfortable with what we discussed, I'd still love for it to happen.
Nick, sorry to call you out and embarrass you dear, but you're so cute when you blush. Or at least I think you are? That dream business is kind of nuts.
Hylo, thanks for the concern, I'll look forward to getting to know you better. You seem cool.
Kay, thanks.  Cam really did insist on delivering your hug the moment I was coherent enough to understand where it was coming from.
Shady, yeah. It sucks. My head is STILL throbbing. Depending on when you get done with what you're doing, you're welcome to come by. Though again, timing dependent I'm not sure where we'd put you. Glad to see you're doing alright as well.
Lucas and Joel. Stop fucking blaming yourselves. Ill tell you this in person when I see you, but I want to say it as many times as possible. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. It's his. Wolf's. And Slendy's. Not yours.

Cam says he's been mucking with my page and commenting on things. I told him to go ahead, just to not be stupid about it. Be nice, don't break him. He's sweet, and his boy would kill me if we broke him."

That's the point where the Doctors caught on to what we were doing, and made us stop.
But she's alright, and I've been handed the keys. In perhaps the most embarrassing way possible. I'll be around, keeping an eye on things for her and catching up with everything for myself. Before this, even with Joel and Lucas about it hadn't occurred to me how much of a difference you all make for each other. Thank you. All of you.