A Trap

We're still on Angmar's trail. He's surprisingly clever about keeping under the radar-we don't know he's been to a place until afterward, when we find the police reports of break-ins in abandoned houses or warehouses, sometimes stores...  And it's easy to tell when it's them-his habit of painting everything possible in a dizzying array of colors in at least one room... well, it's distinctive.
Em's color blind. Completely color blind. Well, with a kid as bright as her I guess it was inevitable for her to lose something else along the way. So the colors... if you paint the room all green, for example, it all looks the same, to her. Hard to see /anything/. It's just all gray. As she mentioned. Didn't take us long to figure that one out. What's perhaps cruel is the way he used lots of different colors to paint designs to confuse and disorient her.
I'm guessing he still has connections with other proxies, someone had to do all this painting and I doubt it was him.

Elliott and I... we've been watching his movements, tracking them, trying to figure out what his pattern is so that we can do more than just follow him-that won't do us any good as far as helping her. No luck so far. Starting to think he's just moving at random.
We've started checking out the places he kept her, looking for any clues at all.

But apparently that's what he was expecting. The police had already been in and out of this warehouse, we weren't expecting any surprises-if there was a trap, the cops would've already set it off.
That's what we /thought/, anyway
We thought wrong. Well, he was one of Star's.
When we were in the latest place, I opened the door to the closet he'd kept Em in(painted up in hellish patterns of red, floor to ceiling), and was greeted by a very large mallet swinging down from the ceiling and nailing me square in the chest. I went flying back into the wall, presumably smacking my head again as I was out for almost an hour-Elliott was in the process of calling in help when I woke up.

I'm fine now, for the record. My new freaky gifts seem to be taking pretty good care of me. Normally I'd be bothered, but right now I'm just glad to be able to keep going.

Too Fucking Quiet

Exactly what the title says. Other than the incident with Lori, it's been quiet. Peaceful. No hint of Angmar, no more interference from slendershit, though of course he continues to lurk outside the window constantly. It loses some of it's teeth when he's done that constantly for months, though. What he does to me otherwise... well, that hardly matters so much as making sure Em is safe.

Her burn has healed up nicely, though of course she's scarring up. Those burns always do. And she's recovering from the LSD-she's had one flashback, but we dealt with it, and it was when the two of us were in the car together, so we didn't have to deal with other people asking questions.
That's something that's terrified me ever since I heard the story of Lily.

But for now, just... quiet. Peaceful. It's been good for both of us, but I can't help but be nervous about when it ends.

Never Watching That Again

So, yesterday TMV and David got married, as a lot of you saw. I'd intended to stick with them for a few more days, enjoy their company, spend some time with David. Unfortunately, that's all out the window now. On the bright side, I know who my stalker is.

So, story time, I guess. Though I certainly don't have the fucking perfect memory (or tape recorder) of some of you fucks, so I'll be summarizing the dialogue except for the important bits that I do remember.
Derek, Em, and I were settling down to watch a movie. Princess and the Frog, actually, it's Emily's favorite.  And we're being lazy fucks, so we order in for pizza because that's an easy thing to do when you're sitting on your ass all night.
But it's not the pizza guy who shows up. It's Angmar. Fucking Angmar, of all the damn... well, of course, now it all makes sense. I knew that Star had left him behind to watch me, he announced it on the blog. I'd forgotten about him after, since we never heard from him and honestly considering we were friends I'd kind of figured Star would reassign him or something.
As it turns out, Star gave him the orders to not harm me (he 'wanted me for himself'), but left him to keep an eye on me. It's almost sweet, he was trying to make sure I was alright, I guess. But when Star defected... Well, Angmar wasn't too pleased. Decided it was his job to kill me and bring his boss back to the fold.
He told me all of this at the top of his lungs, gesturing with that fucking sword of his and acting like he was in fucking Lord of the Rings or something. Talking about honor and sacred duty and  'Stand forth and defend yourself'. All that bullshit.
Because other than pushing Derek aside to get in the door, he refused to touch any of us until I agreed to fight him in 'a duel'. And he spent enough time trying to get Derek to just stand the fuck aside so he didn't have to hit him that I could hide Emily before Angmar could see her.
Fucker thinks he's a knight or some shit.
So, remembering last time, where he was retardedly bad, I agreed to fight him.  As it turns out, he's been practicing. Good for him, he needed it. And at this point, he's not half bad with that sword. Got in a good swipe on me, anyway. Though  he wouldn't have lasted too much longer, he still needs a lot of practice before a great honking sword like that can stand up to me. I get inside his guard and he doesn't know how to stop me.
But then we had a visit from slendershit. And honestly, even Angmar froze in his fucking tracks when the lights started flickering and the movie spazzed out and froze on the image of a fucking operator symbol on the wall. (Which, yeah, that's a thing in the movie, I checked. Pause it at 19 seconds-you may have to crank up the resolution. Someone at Disney is a real cunt)
And then he showed up in the middle of the room. Just for a couple moments, then he was gone. So I yell at Derek to go check on Emily, terrified that slendershit fucking took her, and try to get Angmar to get lost.
Unfortunately, running away is not knightly or something. He insisted on holding his ground. Derek came out with Em-we figured it'd be better to stick close.
And then slender showed back up and all hell really broke loose. Angmar started eyeing Em, looking like he wanted to make a break for her to impress his master. Emily starts trying her damndest to get out of Derek's grip, yelling about how she wants to see her parents again. I'm trying to fight Angmar to keep him distracted, and all the while slender's yelling at me to stand down and kneel.
Em lands a lucky shot with her squirming-judging by the noise Derek made she got a nut shot- and darts straight for slender.
He picks her up, wraps a tentacle around her, picks her up, and just stares. The sudden silence is enough to make my blood run cold. I lunge for Em, Angmar lunges for me, and Derek dives at him and takes him down. I lost track of what happened with Angmar and Derek because I'm yelling and screaming and tugging, trying anything I can think of to try to get Emily back.
And then I decide to try something that ended badly last time. I sliced his fucking tentacle off. Emily falls, he bitchslaps me across the room /again/, and...
Then I woke up a few minutes later with Derek peering at me in obvious concern. Another concussion, I'd passed the fuck out. He lets me know that Angmar ran off and Emily's still here, she's gonna be fine, and he helps me totter over to talk to her.
As it turns out, that tentacle that was wrapped so snugly around her left a niiice burn. Wrapped all the way around her chest. She's, quite understandably, in a fair bit of pain, but there's not much more I can do that Derek hasn't yet-he got her set up with ice, and had her distracted eating some chips, since we couldn't exactly trust the pizza Angmar brought.
I needed to talk to her before we could do anything else. She'd just tried to willingly give herself up to slender.
Luckily, I have a very smart girl. She knew exactly what I wanted to talk about.

"I'm sorry. I just thought... The Man says that if I go with him, everything will be good again and I can see everyone and people will stop dying. And. What if that's true? You worked with him. And David. And Rachael. And Joel. What if he's telling the truth and all the bad stuff goes away when you go with him?"

Cue my heart fucking breaking. I'd tried to shelter her from the stories of terrible things that happen when you work for him, tried to shield her from all the terrible stories. But she'd seen a lot(and David can't keep his mouth shut around her). She knew suffering. And her six year old mind saw a strong, comforting authority figure who promised to take it away. Because he can be comforting, most of you know this. If he wants you, if he's trying to charm you to him, he makes everything in the world that hurts just... float away.

"No, Em. He's lying. He hurts you worse if you're his. That's what happened to all of us. That's why we stopped." I tactically avoided the subject of David, I didn't want to confuse her. "I know it's tempting, but all he does is hurt people."

"I just don't want anyone else to die." Emily starts crying quietly.

Derek pipes up then. "Well, we don't want you to die either."

After that, I put her in the shower with the water running cold to help with the burns and sat down to talk to Derek until I could walk in a straight line again.

A few things were very clear to me then.

Firstly, I'm definitely healing way faster than I used to, I didn't even have a fucking headache by the time we went to bed that night.

Most importantly... I've let Emily down in a big way. I let my own pain and grief distract me. I was selfish, and did what was best for me, not for her. Running around to see my friends, trying to hide from the reality of our situation and of my own guilt. I've tried hard to stay busy, distracted, so that I didn't have to face the world.

No more. Emily deserves better.  From now on she is my only focus. Everything I do will be what is best for /her/, and I will dedicate my time to being there for her.

And so, first thing this morning, the two of us left Derek, TMV, and David, and set off on our own way. I've done what I can, I still have some of the supplies Lori gave me back in Austin, so I can treat the burn. It's nothing I haven't dealt with before.

Death

I didn't want to believe it. I refused to believe it, wrote my post yesterday completely convinced that it was a cruel trick. But it's not.

August St.Claire is dead.

Fuck, saying it like that... I can't hardly stand to look at it. But it's the truth, and he wouldn't have wanted us to hide from it. He was the best of us, a beacon of love and hope in the midst of all the tragedy of the Stalked. A lost, broken boy, who decided to make meaning for himself out of helping the rest of us.
And just like Emma and Cam before him, a monster laid him low to try to destroy us.

Steele has already made the threats I want to make. I'm sure he and the rest of them will be able to say better, more beautiful things in memory of this man that took such good care of us all. Eulogies will be made, a lot of tears will be shed, because the world has lost some of it's goodness without August around to mother us all.

But August... he knew what I was long before the rest of you. He made friends with Cam and wore a dress to his wedding to make us smile. Fought in it too, to defend people he'd never even met before.
He drove halfway across the country on a moment's fucking notice to try and rescue me, a woman he'd only met once and barely talked to.
He took all my late night phonecalls, when I was drunk and crying or angry or whatever other reason. He talked me down and gentled me and told me that I was a good fucking woman and that I really could make Cam proud.
He somehow found my fucking birthday and made me a goddamn feast to celebrate, without being asked, just to try and make me smile.
He held me while I cried, more times than I can count.
He let me use his fucking bedroom when I was scared and lonely and Spencer was... not himself.
He cheered me on while I fought for Star, and when I attempted the impossible task of setting up a safehouse.
He talked me down when I was piss drunk and scared
He came down to help settle in Richard, Elliott, and Alex, because after what they'd been through they needed all the gentle they could get.
He was the one I called when Hope was falling down around my ears and I didn't know what to do.
He was the one I turned to when I got back to the House and I was too far gone to even register anything but loss.
He was the one that mothered Emily when I couldn't fucking do it, and she was hurting as badly as I was
He made no complaint, merely held me and apologized when I tried to kill myself.
He was the one that always made time for me if it was physically possible, no matter what.
And in the end, I didn't realize how much I'd come to rely on him until I was talking to Lori on the phone because I couldn't believe he was gone until I'd heard it from her.

He will be missed. And Writer, you're fucking retarded if you think this will go unpunished.

And The Caravan Leaves

The four of us left Benjamin's house again today, which inspired a surprising amount of tears from Em. She's gotten really attached to him. I guess it hadn't really registered how much time she was spending with him until she started tearfully asking why we couldn't stay.
It hadn't really occurred to me, but his place is the closest to a home she's had in a while, not to mention how close she got with Benjamin....
Sorry, I'm getting off topic. Ronan, Derek, Em and I are travelling together still. I figure it's best for Em to have a little more time with these two, she's not handling separations well at the moment, not since Elliott left. It's a little sad, you can almost forget how young she is, considering how smart she is. Until she starts crying and throwing fits because she doesn't want to leave because what if something happens while we're gone?

Heh, she takes after me.

Anyway, we're on the road again. Kinda wish I still had someone to split the driving with, but we get on.
I'll check back in when I next have something to report.

Despite What Spence Thinks

It's time to pay my respects to a good woman. Rachael is dead. She was a damn good friend to me, took me in right after Cam died, helped try to save Shrody when I couldn't. She helped gentle Joel when he was a Wolf, and she stepped in and took a very sad, lonely little girl who'd forgotten how to be a child to Disney World.

It's a little hard to imagine, a woman as full of life and determination as she was when I last saw her, gone. She was fighting so hard for her own salvation, trying to earn the right to the peace she wanted more than anything. Unlike some of us, she wasn't an engrained fighter-she fought out of desperation, something that went so very against the nature of the poor gentle woman I was honestly amazed she did so well.
She was a softhearted woman who once chose to slice into her own flesh over and over to avoid doing harm to a runner, when the urges got too strong.
And now she's dead. By the hands of the very man she'd risked everything to protect. I hope she's found some peace.

In other news. Elliott's gone off to visit Richard again, said not to expect him back for a while, so it's just Em and I. And a new companion, at least temporarily. A couple more notes, nothing particularly interesting, they've just been on the windshield of my car. Either my stalker has run out of ideas or they're plotting something big.

Another Friend I'll Probably Never Hear the End Of

So, with his encouragement, and out of a desire to stay honest with you lot, I'm going to just flat out say it. The Daniel I went to see has been given another name by "Joseph"- Moriarty

For obvious reasons, I wasn't even really allowed to know much of anything, and a lot of what I do know about his organization I don't agree with, but the two of us have gotten friendly and he wanted to make his pitch in person.

Upon making sure that Elliott and Em would be as safe as they could be, the three of us met him at one of his (apparently numerous) headquarters-a unassuming mid-sized skyscraper in a mid-sized city. We had a lot of fun, whatever I think of his practices, and I consider him a good man, if exceptionally misguided.
Again, not that I at all agree with his practices-as much as part of me wanted to see Fakestar taken out, I certainly don't support fucking killsquads.

He asked me to talk about his agenda, I think he's worried about what he's going to be taken as, considering his reputation with the killsquads and all. I'm not going to be a vehicle for his shit, but I will tell you that if you are a runner and he does offer you something, he's serious, and he definitely doesn't want to hurt you. Whatever his fucked up methods, he wants to help runners.

I like him as a person, I loathe what he's doing.  It's an unfortunate split, but not exactly one I'm not familiar with.

In any case, we're long gone now. Elliott's still  buried in his research, Em's still far too smart for her own good, and I'm still a dumbass.

Putting Things Off

I've gotten lazy. There's some stuff I was supposed to post months ago, that just never got typed out. I did two interviews, which aren't normally my thing, but if a friend wants to get something off their chest, I'm certainly not going to turn them down.

They probably would've both been lost to time, but Dysis put up a post about her childhood, and that inadvertently shamed me into putting this up-since one of these interviews is with Dysis, I figure I really should.

Right. So, the interview with Dysis was actually over the phone, I've never been lucky enough to meet her in person, though I really would love a chance to have a drink with her. She asked me if I would hear her story and post it, she wanted to get it out there and didn't quite have the heart to post it herself-which I totally understand.

By now everyone knows that she's a country girl who went into the parks service, saw a bunch of monsters, nearly got gored to death, etc. She was away from home for years, and when she finally went back... everything was different. The trees and brush were all dying, and the kids were... quiet. Blank.

She didn't know what to think, so she just went about her business, went to see her best friend from before she left-a guy named Riley, who'd since married and had some kids.
The kids were a little weird, but the visit went well, and he ended up asking her if he could have some of the firewood she had at her old house. She certainly wasn't using it, so she went to get it for him and ran into his kids, standing there all creepy like in her backyard. She was understandably confused, offered to take them home. Next thing she knew she was tied up arms spread kneeling on the ground in a basement.
Riley's standing in front of her, with a bunch of kids, a couple teenagers, and some adults all milling about. When she asks what the fuck was going on, she gets the story of the years she'd missed.
Kids started going missing. All the kids under ten vanished, one by one, and the teenagers started having night terrors and hysteria and nervous ticks, some even had full blown breakdowns with the screaming like in some bad exorcism movie.
Some of the kids showed back up again, but they were acting all weird, like she'd seen, and they wouldn't talk about where they'd been.
And then one day at church he shows up. Standing in the doorway, all the kids huddled around his feet. And then he vanishes, and the kids are still there, and all the parents go and grab their children and take them home, and everyone tries to forget.
But we all know it's not that simple when it comes to slendershit.
The kids started acting strangely, talking about how god was angry and that's why they'd been taken, and how everything would go back to normal if they started worshipping the 'real' god.
And they did. They set up services for him and suddenly he's about more often and telling them to do things like converting everyone else. And to do what they had to to those that resisted.
Dysis said what struck her then wasn't so much the whips he started fishing through, but how defeated he looked. It was obvious he didn't want to do this, but he had to.
He called up the teenagers, told them they had to learn how to 'convert people'. He lashed her a couple times to demonstrate, then called the first one up, then the second, and so on. Every few teens he'd stop and ask her if she was ready to convert. She persistently told him to go to hell, and in the end he called everyone in and made an example of her. All of the teens had a go at her, and by the end she could barely talk but she was as stubborn as ever.
And then Riley turned to the adults and told them to get their tools. She's thinking she's pretty fucked till she sees this little girl hiding behind her mother and begging her not to let it happen, and she just snaps.
Dysis doesn't remember what happens next, really. Next thing she knows she's standing outside in the mud, bleeding and clutching an axe, and she doesn't really know what happened, but it's not hers and it's covered in blood and there's a fire starting.
And there he is. Slendershit. Just standing there staring, with kids all around him again. And she saw red and charged the bastard, knocking the kids aside to chop into him like a fucking tree. Apparently it hurt like a motherfucker and whatever happened next she ends up in the mud and gets to her truck and drives to the nearest rest stop and sits there till she can function again.
According to the radio, a forest fire wiped out the town. No word on any bodies or anything, just a forest fire that caught in all those dead trees without any hope of survivors.
She cleaned herself up and locked the axe away in the trunk-it makes her nauseous and headachey to be around, apparently.

She may not remember exactly what happened, but she knows she killed them. That's her big secret. She's worried everyone will reject her for that-she's never told anyone but Hylo before. Somehow I expect with the way the Stalked have to be sometimes we'll understand. Especially considering she's made a big effort to make sure nothing like that ever happened again.

The second bit of info is from a discussion I had with David, back... before. During one of his visits. I was understandably curious and I figure maybe if you lot understand a bit more about him, I'll stop getting fucking ambushed every time I see him because oh fuck the enemy.

Fuck you guys. Yeah, he does some awful shit. But let me paint this in clear black and white. So did I. I'm not going to judge him for doing all the same sorts of things I used to do. You look at David and see a monster, I look at a guy who has some rather awful hobbies, but who always has a smile and a treat for Em, and whom goes completely peaceful and delighted at the simple presence of music. Any music, doesn't matter.  The simple joy there... it's gorgeous.
More importantly, he's done a lot for me. And it's not exactly his fault he got involved with slendershit, from what he's told me, the fucker showed up in his apartment one night and smacked him around till he agreed to work for him.
He says he gets his orders direct too, none of this bureaucratic bullshit. Apparently he gets dreams. And they're special dreams that he always remembers and feel very different from normal dreams. And they're his assignments. And if he does well enough, he gets a year. A year of life for someone he cares about, apparently. That's how he was keeping TMV safe. And his son, apparently.

Most of what he does-and this is going to count against him, but for the sake of honesty I'll include it anyway-is just what he wants. He does what he does because he's trying to protect people, or because he thinks his helping, or because he's fucking bored, I don't know.

It's just. He's not a monster, just a man who does bad things. And I guess that's still not great, but I feel like it's important to make the distinction. Monsters don't bring little girls candy just to see them smile. Monsters don't let their friends cry on their shoulders in the middle of crowded diners. Monsters... Monsters don't fall in love or dote on their children and try to set them up with people to cheer them up.

We're Going to Disney World!

Or rather, we did. Met up with Rachael today-she suggested it as a good opportunity to do something for Em, and as the poor kid certainly needs all the cheering up she can get, it struck me as a good idea.

One day, spent in the Magic Kingdom, with a six year old. We spent all day running about, trying to see and do everything. Emily, of course, took to Rach like she's taken to all of my friends she's met-enthusiastically and loudly.

Would've been a nice, peaceful day, except for two fucking things.
The first happened around 2 or so, we'd just done fucking Splash Mountain, and Emily wanted the picture. For those of you who don't know, at the top of the big fuckoff hill at the end of Splash Mountain, there's a camera set up to take your picture right before you go over. They sell the pictures at the exit of the ride.
Em wanted a copy, so we went to get it-and got a little more than we bargained for.

The entire right side of the picture was distorted all to hell. Looks like slendershit was nearby. And worse, when I got the copy of the picture (figured maybe it was just the monitor since they didn't seem bothered by it), it came with a threatening note.

"Mock me all you want, but I won't just watch forever."

Still a little trite, and yes the 'o's were all replaced with operator symbols, but the fact that they could slip the note /into/ the frame with the picture means this isn't just some idiot amateur. The fact that only our picture was distorted... Well, that means he showed up just for us. How nice.

The other thing was the chat I had with Rach, while Elliott and Em watched the fireworks. She'd been... wobbly, for lack of a better term, all day. Looked a little glassy eyed, was a little slow to react to things. Barely noticeable, especially considering how bright and happy she seemed, playing with Em and seeing us. It's such a fucking radical change from the quiet, demure, sad proxy I stayed with back in August.

But I was right. Something's wrong. She's pretty badly injured. Been shot a couple times, and has a burn on her arm from the New Years party. I only got to see her arm, but that, at least, was infected enough to look really bad. I'm fucking worried about her.

Nothing I can do, though. I offered the little help I can give, and she told me not to worry, she has a plan. So, hopefully that works out.

As for us? We're long gone by now. Gotta keep fucking moving, after all.

Forgetting Something?

Still don't know what that fucking note was about. I figure it's some moronic proxy just trying to psych us out. Because obviously we're rookies who are going to get spooked by random notes, not like we've been at this for a while and seen all kinds of horrific things.
Oh no, these notes are /so scary/.

And yeah, notes. There's been a couple more. On our hotel room door and on the windshield-they don't seem to be able to catch us anywhere else. Stupid shit. "Look around" and "Father's watching".

Urgh, I know he's watching, I hardly sleep for the amount of watching he does, shut up about it already.

On the bright side, that lottery ticket won us a few hundred bucks, so that's a nice bit of cash-it'll pay for our rooms for a few days.

Otherwise... things are pretty calm. I've gotten more or less back to normal, we have our routine, Emily seems to be doing pretty well. Elliott's... well, he's him. He's doing just fine. Bitching about being back in the US, but he's just giving me shit for the fuck of it. It's easier to be somewhere where at least one of us legally exists and isn't risking being booted from the country because I didn't have a visa.

So, that's us. Just running. Dealing with some moronic shithead of a proxy.  And winning the lottery.

So, we've left Benjamin's place. It was nice to stay in one place for a bit, but it's a bit of a relief to be on the move. Means I'm less likely to bring doom down upon poor Benjamin, at least. Em's got a bunch of new books, courtesy of our former host, and so she's pretty pleased, even if she did do everything but burst into tears in an attempt to get us to stay.

But travel is essential, considering we're high priority targets. So we keep going.

And we keep going. And I try to cut back on the drinking some, now that we're moving and Emily can't be so easily kept in the dark.

At least I have good news tonight, right?

A Chat With Our Host

I don't want to talk about it. After the other night, I ended up sitting down with him and asking the sort of questions I wasn't sure I'd get a chance to ask.
The transcript is here, and the fucker didn't leave /anything/ out. Even the stuff I would've preferred to keep quiet.
I'd be rather pissed, except it's kind of nice having him concerned enough to do this crap.

For those of you concerned enough to wonder, yes I'm still miserable, no I'm not going to do anything drastic, and yes I've got the drinking under control, thank you. Also, despite what it sounds like, I'm not deliberately starving myself, I just have no fucking appetite.

I'm fine, really. Just fine.

Holidays are Fucking Exhauasting

Just posting briefly to say that we've made it to Benjamin's place. The stockings are hung, presents are under the tree, Em's happily asleep in her room after watching Christmas movies till I wanted to scream.

I've never been a big fan of the holidays, but it's nice to see her smiling properly again.

Benjamin's a good host, if you wanna hear about the mundane bullshit, just follow the link to his blog. I'm gonna go fill some stockings, then crash.

Maybe then I won't have to think about everyone that's not here with us.

Ominous

Just a quick update from my phone. We're on the road right now, listening to the radio quietly so as to not to wake Em up, when we heard a rather ominous news story. I don't know how many of you keep up with this blog, but after what I just heard... the town they've settled in. Avondale.  According to the radio, the entire town went up in flames during the big parade Peter and Rachel have been talking about. No survivors found. Just a lot of bodies.

Bodies all piled up in City hall with their limbs stretched out. In a town home to perhaps one of the oldest slendercults. They thought it was over. The people in town didn't remember much. But the residents were marching in masks tonight. The night of the solstice. Hindsight is a fucking /bitch/. I just have to hope that maybe the fuckers were good enough to get the fuck out of town before shit went down.

It's certainly not looking good, anyway

More Visits

Something I'd almost forgotten staying still for so long is that Running is dull. A long string of crappy hotel rooms and driving across frozen wastes-because we decided to stay in Canada for a bit instead of risking a border crossing again this soon. It doesn't exactly make much difference, my own preference for warm weather aside. And Elliott seems happier to be back in his own country.

That said, we're almost back to the US now. We're going to be spending Christmas with Benjamin, so Vermontward we go. Again. For a Southern girl like me I spend a damn lot of time in that state. I figure it's a good idea to give poor Em a real Christmas after everything. At least one of us ought to be happy.

In the meantime, we stopped to see David today. It was really good to see him, whatever else he might have done to people, whatever people might think of him, he's practically family, and he's done nothing but try to help me since we met. My hands aren't exactly clean, who the fuck am I to say who is and isn't worth my affection and respect? Anyone who spends the amount of time he does worrying about me and trying to help me is alright in my book.
Plus, Em absolutely fucking adores him, I can tell it did her some good to see him again. She needs to know that not everyone she knew and cared about is gone.

Otherwise, things are quiet. Quiet enough for me to get all philosophical about the Solstice. Yeah, this is going to be one of those posts, shut up and fucking deal with it.

A year ago a bunch of misguided, delusional morons got together with mediocre weaponry and halloween masks and thought they would be able to take down slendershit. The idea wasn't that they'd be able to kill him-from what I understand they all thought they were going to die. Or at least were aware that it was likely.
They thought that by bringing the Stalked together to tell stories about it, we could work together to end this once and for all.

They weren't stupid because they thought it would work, fuck no! As far as I'm concerned it was a brilliant fucking plan, one that was more likely to work than anything anyone's come up with before or since. No, they were delusional morons for thinking that people would remember to tell their stories. Apparently. Look around. Except for a select few, no one bothered to remember. No one bothered to finish the job. A story was never chosen, and those who died at the solstice died in vain, because all of us let them down.

And yet? Because of what they did, look at us now. The bloggers are uniting. Coming together again and again, really interacting. No longer are the Stalked scared children hiding alone in the dark. Whatever happens to us, whatever tragedies befall us individually, we are a community. No longer does each new death go quietly and unmourned. No more do we shiver in silence. We are united, moreso every day, and that is what makes us strong. Maybe one day we'll truly be united enough to end slendershit once and for all.

In the meantime? Lets take today to remember everyone we've lost.

Zero, Amelia, and everyone else that died in the Solstice. Jeff, Nessa, Maduin, Jean, Fizzbomb, and everyone who was left behind to pick up the slack. I salute you all. Your efforts for the Solstice failed because we let you down, but it's because of you we have hope for the future.

Cam, Emma, Star, Konaa, Michael, Josh, Joel, Lucas, Jennifer, Levi, and Adam. I'll never forget any of you. I loved you all like family. I wish I'd been able to save you.

Doing This Shit Out of Order

Right. I owe you all one hell of a post. I'd intended to go through and write about everything that happened since... since I last posted something actually informative. But honestly, I don't really want to write about the time I spent curled up in my bed, not moving for days at a time. I don't want to relive it, and it's really none of your business, you fuckers. The important part is Friday. Last Friday when Elliott came to me and told me that we needed to get out of there, the forest was going too far. To be honest, I'd hardly noticed anything strange, barely looked out the window.
But again, not the point.
The point is, we were in the middle of discussing the need to get out of there-and had just decided to leave first thing in the morning-when a certain redheaded bastard made his appearance. Just leaning nonchalantly against the wall like he had a right to be there. The rotten cunt.
I made the mistake of challenging him. Thought that perhaps out of the forest he'd stand and fight, but no. Instead of facing me like a man he used his Loop bullshit to threaten Elliott. They talked for a bit. In French. All I could understand was some swearing, something about Richard, and something about Harper. Then he threatened Em. In English, so I could understand.
I told Elliott to get out and check on her, which he did. I continued to challenge him, he continued to be a smug, cheating twat. And then he made a mistake. Decided he'd try to get under my skin. Didn't fucking work though, did it? The fucking lying bastard is going to meet his match one of these days and I sincerely hope I'm the one who gets to do the honors. The things he said and did... Well, I will see him pay, one way or another.

Right. On to less ominous business. We're on the road again. Met up with Richard again last night. I didn't stick around to see what happened. He made it pretty clear he didn't want me there. More travelling ahead, I think there's one more place Elliott wants to go.

Apologies and Eulogies

Well, it's Elaine again. I'm still alive, I'm doing just fine, and back more or less to normal.

I really just want to start all of this off by apologizing for a certain stupid thing I did. It was selfish of me to try to remove myself from all of this without thinking about those of you I'd be leaving behind. Most of you I've talked to one way or another to apologize to more directly, but I feel like I should say something here. According to Blogger, a lot of people read this fucking blog. Probably at least some of you are looking for guidance, just like I was, back when I started. I don't want my story to end with such a cop-out.
All of you reading this deserve more from me, and honestly, I don't really feel like giving up yet. There's a lot of fighting left for me to do before I get my rest, and I intend to make slendershit crazy trying to take me out.

It was just grief. Grief for everyone we've lost recently. Starting with the fall of Hope, I lost eight of the people nearest and dearest to me over the course of a week. As I've said in the past, I'm nothing fancy with words or feelings, but I feel like I ought to say something for everyone that's gone.

The Johnsons. Their blood is directly on my hands. The family came to Hope because it was the only chance they had left. When they arrived they'd lost everything but each other, and were managing to hold strong and raise their daughter well.
But they had too much faith in me. They said the safest place in the world for them was at my side, in Hope, even without special protection. Jennifer, Levi, and poor little Adam. They were a loving, close knit family, and they deserved better than what they got.  Elliott and I are taking care of their daughter. Emily is only six, but she's amazing. I hope we can raise her right and keep her safe.

Michael. Or perhaps I should call him Nemo? He were more himself before he took his name back. He was a dear friend to me, even when he was going mad. Down underneath the protective layer of douchebaggery was the kind and thoughtful man I came to know when he first came to Hope. I miss him a lot, and I will always regret that I couldn't help him when he came to me in the end.

Konaa. He was a hell of a brave, crazy kid. No, man. I called him a kid, but his actions proved himself to be one hell of a good man. He was another of the best of us. Noble, tenacious, kind. He never gave a crap about himself, he was always fighting for us. He never killed, never even harmed anyone unless he absolutely had to. He was a good friend and a good man. He will be missed by all. He died as he lived-standing for what he believed in.

Lucas. He was by far one of the best, kindest men I've ever had the good fortune to know. He helped me through a lot of shit right until the end. He was also the first other Stalked I really got in touch with when shit hit the fan, which made him... one of my oldest friends. The world has lost something, losing him.

Joel. He and I were close as well. Lucas and Joel were, for a while, a bright shiny example of true love in the face of adversity. Then he was taken by his Wolf. But he refused to give up. He fought his way back out for the man he loved. He shouldn't be remembered by his final actions, but as a man who did anything and everything to protect the man he loved.

Josh. He was a hell of a kid. Would've really been somebody if he'd gotten a chance to grow up and actually do things, instead of run from a faceless fuck in a suit.  I didn't get to know him quite as well as the others, but I knew him well enough to miss him now.

I'll try to get something up in the next few days talking about what's been going on with me.

I'm Done

Everyone's dead.  Hope is lost. I can't do this anymore. I just can't.
I'm so sorry.


August, this isn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself.

Spencer. I love you. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.

Lori... thank you for trying to help, I'm sorry for flipping out on you.

Elliott. Take care of Emily for me? I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you safe like I said I would.

Lis... I hope everything works out for you guys.

Tia, take care of Lis for me.

Richard, you were right. I'm sorry.

David, I'm sorry I failed you. Thank you.

Nick. Take care of yourself, you crazy fuck. Thank you for what you did for Hope.

Shaun. I.

Goodbye. I love you all. I'm so sorry for letting you down.

The Situation

Most of you, I expect, have seen this by now, or at least this. It's true, apparently due to my own insistence on security when the deal was being made, the fact that I've now told all of you about it has broken it. I guess I didn't think it would really happen. Though, Shaun's reveal would've broken it anyway.

I got everyone out that would agree to go. The problem? The Johnsons refuse to leave. They say that if Hope isn't safe, there's nowhere left for them. Therefore, they're not going to drag their six year old daughter running around the country to experience that much more fear and pain and death before the end. So they're staying and hoping for a quick death for all four of them, basically.

Like I'm just going to let that happen. Which is where things get interesting. Ray decided to stay and help fight. Elliott and Alex are still here-they're sticking together until a certain Stalked psychiatrist can take Alex to get properly looked at.

We have four newcomers, all of which are staying to help, though some longer than others. Apparently when people figure out you're stuck in a situation like this, petty shit like... oh, breakups and fights don't matter so much.

Yeah, that's right. Nick and Ellen arrived late last night. They've got some crazy scheme for countering any attack on Hope, but it's dependent on getting everyone out. Which, as I've already mentioned, is a big fucking problem.

Steele and Rivers are also here. Amusingly enough, neither of them had the slightest clue about what's been going down-as I mentioned, they're here to pick up Alex. But they've decided to stay at least a little while and help me fortify a little more-which is... honestly quite decent of them.
Still, the three of them and Elliott are all leaving as soon as I can get them out the door. I am admittedly not worried about Nick and Ellen, they... are more likely to accidentally blow up the place than get killed, I think.

Spencer. I'm not going to die. Please try to calm down, alright? If any of us have a fighting chance against this, I've got the two of them staying upstairs.

The Truth, Part 3

Thank you, Shaun, for being overdramatic and telling everyone your version of the story without sparing any time to really learn the details.

First off. Yeah, I have a deal with David. Did any of you really think that I managed to keep Hope slenderfree without something like that? Lets start off by all being honest. No one wanted to ask-and anyone who did ask, got the truth.

No, I'm not handing Stalked over to get killed. Anyone who has left here knows that I make a point of not asking where they're going. I deal in information, and I do my damndest to not inform on anyone that's been under my protection-I can't tell them where you are if you don't tell me, you know.

No, it's not perfect, yes someone could get killed because of my information, but let me ask every last one of you something. If I'm saving all of these lives, if people are staying here and being safe, given some semblance of a life back, and I'm giving information on maybe one person a month? Not even one person a month dies, just one person a month is informed on. As of right now there are six truly permanent residents of Hope-a family. Two of the forest kids, one of them currently incapable of running because of the trauma sustained while there, and a family. A mother, a father, a six year old little girl, and an infant. How many others get to live that much longer because they've spent some time here to get the heat off, to recover and get some proper meals and full nights of sleep and hot showers?

Look me in the fucking eye and tell me all of these people aren't fucking worth it.

So yes, I made a deal with the proverbial devil, but that's for your benefit. Every last motherfucking one of you has a place here if you want it. Because I don't fucking want what happened to Emma and Star and Cam to happen to anyone ever again. You all deserve fucking better, and I've made it my mission to give it to you. If that makes me a bad fucking person, so be it. I'll be here, doing what I can to keep everyone safe.