Hope Spot

I'm writing this to all of you from Austin. I've come home. Sort of. Didn't dare go back to the old apartment. Thankfully, I didn't have to.

Before Cam died, he did a lot of things. Some of them I'll be looking into and documenting later. Some of them are all around me now. Perhaps the most ostentatious is this house. He had a house built. Seven stories, heavily fortified, completely secure against mundane threats.
He arranged to have it completely furnished and ready to go. He told the builders that the key was to go only to me. Not even to him.

So, a week ago, I got a call from the builders. The house was finished. Completely furnished, ready to go. And the needed me to do a walk through and make sure everything was in order. I wasn't about to say no. Cam... always knew what he was doing.
Obviously the hospital stay delayed me some, but today I arrived in Texas, and after meeting up with Lucas and Joel and Josh, I've settled in.

The place is amazing. It could easily fit twenty people, with everyone having their own bedroom.  We've kind of spread out, I think (Though Lucas, Joel, and Josh are on a different floor than me, so I'm not entirely sure what their rooming arrangement is)

Cam left me a letter to go with it. I'll... I'll share it with all of you.

Elaine-
By the time you read this, I'll be gone. It's okay, by now you should know I knew it was coming. I made sure to prepare to have you as taken care of as possible when I died. I'm not... entirely sure when during the building process I went. It doesn't really matter.
I don't know what has happened since I wrote this, what has changed, what new information has come to light. But I had this built for the three of us(two of you, now, I guess).
I want you to make this place as safe as you can, and then I want you to start taking people in. I know, I know, it's supposed to not be safe to do that. But we held out for a while, right? And you've had so much more time to pick this stuff up now. You can make it work.
Help people. You need them as much as they need you. Maybe you've learned that already. I hope you have.
It was my dream to use this house to help them, but that's not possible anymore. So do it for me. Please.
Help them-someone needs to.
-Cam

So what else can I do? It was our dream, before. All of our big plans were to make this happen. It was on my mind anyway. I've been making my own arrangements. Getting things going, reading up on additional ways to keep the house safe.

Lucas, Joel, and Josh are going to help. It's good to have them here. This house would be a bit too empty if they weren't.

So, I guess this is the official announcement. I'm opening this place up. I make no guarantees about safety, though I will tell you that I am going to do everything I can think of, including borrowing ideas from people who've been doing this far longer than me.

If anyone needs a place to stay, get in touch. I can get you here and get you some solid meals, showers, a warm bed. Even just for a few days.

Here's hoping this is actually a good idea.

The Story Continues

You've all seen the most recent issue with Jake. I'm sorry I haven't been posting much about what's actually going on, but the simple fact is that we're all just kind of waiting. We've done what we can, now we're waiting to see how well he deals with the rest. It's nervewracking, but nothing much to talk about. Instead, I want to give you another story. I mentioned already that the 'kidnapping' was actually a rescue. I mentioned also that he came in to talk to me. For obvious reasons this didn't get recorded, and it's been a while, but I'll retell it as best as I can

I wasn't honestly expecting much. Friend or no, Star was still Star, and therefore not used to having a friend. He had a job to do, and he was doing a damn good job of keeping me intact, though of course minor injuries were unavoidable and honestly I didn't mind the chance for a scrap now and again. I didn't exactly care about hurting them, and they weren't allowed to kill me or do anything that would do permanent damage. All part of the charade.
He was keeping me safe and getting me out. I couldn't ask for more than that.

I got it anyway, though.
It was Thursday morning. I'd been there for the better part of a day, and mostly they'd just left me in the room. Someone showed up at regular intervals to taunt me and leave me food, but for the most part they didn't even lay a hand on me-which had to be Star's doing. And then someone knocked

"Yeah?" I called. I probably sounded dead. I know I felt dead.

A muffled order, footsteps walking away. "Can I come in, Lainey?" He sounded gleeful. It was pretty obviously fake. I dared to hope.

I sighed dramatically. "If you must."

I heard the door unlock. He slipped inside, concern clear on his face as he locks the door. "... How are you holding up?"

"They're gone?" I raised an eyebrow.

He laughed a little. "I told Tiger to go walk Jack. This is a more difficult task than it seems..." He hesitated. "Anything you need?"

I couldn't keep my composure anymore. Didn't even bother trying. "Just. If you have a minute? Stay?"

"I shall stay as long as I can." He replied quietly, sitting down beside me.

I sag into him, grateful for the contact and comfort. "Thank you."

He seemed a little disconcerted, but hugged me. "It is what I am here for."

I nod. "You know you're the first friendly contact I've had in almost a week."

"Sad isn't it? Heh. Anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"You're already risking your life to help me." I reply, gratitude bleeding into my voice.

"My job is to attack scared cornered animals. I risk my life every time I leave my bed. Seriously. Anything I can do? Anything." He sounded almost amused at my concern

"... Just don't let go, alright? For a few minutes?" My voice cracked and my eyes were distinctly watery.

"Very Well..." he hugged me tighter.

And finally, for the first time since the police arrived at my apartment, I let myself cry. Probably made him horribly uncomfortable in the process, but I just cried into his shoulder. It was such a relief to have a friend, someone whose shoulder I could cry on, there, in person, to hug me.

He's not really used to that kind of emotion, though, and before long he spoke up, to defuse the awkward, I imagine. "You know... I am trying to find Prosper." he said quietly.

"I. Any luck?"

"None thus far... I am slightly under Prosper on the totem pole, unfortunately. Hence why he can do that... Weird teleporty shit." He sounded uncomfortable, though he made a valiant attempt to try and hide it."Yeah, I figured." I sniffed and wiped at my eyes, pulling away. "Thank you."

He nodded and frowned."I am sorry I am not more help."

"You got me out of there. That's help enough. And this..." A shaky laugh. "I needed this."

"Yet it is not enough... Hmmm... I wonder. Perhaps I could convince everyone to go kill off a random Runner in town somewhere. So you are not trapped in this room for a little while." He sounded thoughtful.

I smiled faintly. "That would be nice. If you think it's doable? I don't want to put you in any more danger than I already am"

"I have been doing this whole 'stalk and kill' bit for a few months now. I can simply tell them I need a break, and that they need to learn to kill without me barking orders." He sounded firm.

I smiled faintly. "Fair enough. It would be nice to get out of the room for a little while. Thank you."

"I shall send them off as soon as I can... Meaning when Jack and Tiger get back. Idiots.... Anything else I can do? What do you usually do when you feel bad?" He looked concerned, nervous. I probably still looked and sounded pretty dead.

I laughed. A real, genuine laugh. "I usually have sex. But somehow I don't think you'd be interested in that one."

He blushed, and suddenly I remembered that he was still barely more than a kid. It's so easy to forget how young he is. "Um. Er. Right. That is. Um. Awkward."

"I'll save that for when I get out of here and meet Nick." I told him with a smile.

"Right. Good. We should probably speed that up then. For your sake." He said with a sigh of relief. I couldn't help but grin at that.

"You'll hear no objections from me." I replied. "Though it is really good to see you."

"Yes indeed... Although... I really should get you back for the ending of our last encounter." It was clear he was teasing.

I raised an eyebrow. "I didn't lay a hand on you at the wedding.""No no. We barely saw each other at the wedding. I am talking about the time I tried to kill you."

"Oh. Right." I rolled my eyes. "You crashed the wedding. We're even."

"Hardly. The wedding would have been crashed with or without me interfering."

I shrug. "Maybe so. But Nee would've failed utterly and caused no damage if it weren't for you."

"Don't be too sure. In addition, if we did not show up, others would have."

I smiled, reading between the lines. Considering the epic failure at the wedding, I'd been suspecting that he'd flubbed it on purpose. The small smile he wore seemed to confirm it. "Okay, fair enough. But I don't think now is the time for that rematch..."

"No, of course not. But considering I am spending lots of time in here, I probably should... Well..." He looked embarrased and apologetic.

I met his eyes squarely. "... Do what you need to do." I sighed

"When I am ready to leave. Not before."

I nod and smile faintly.

"... I suppose I can allow you to hit me back or something, if it makes you feel better." That right there told me how much he was willing to do for me, as if the rest of this hadn't.

A shaky laugh. "Probably be better for you if I didn't."

"Pfft. Why." He looks almost offended. I think he thought I was calling him a wimp or something.

"Makes you look good?" I offered with a weak smile

"When have I ever cared about that?" He seemed amused.

"Well, I care about that." I told him firmly. "I don't want you getting hurt or killed because you don't have quite your old success rate anymore. The little things will help."

"My success rate remains the same." He replied, face unreadable. "And bruises do not affect this rate. Understand this. Father does not give a shit. The Command and my handlers DO."

"Yeah, but they can hurt you too, right? I'd hate to see you getting hallowed again." I'm not sure if my concern showed n my face, but it probably did. Star felt the need to reassure me, anyhow.

"Pfft. Just a hallowing. Nothing I cannot handle." He said looking away briefly to hide the terror on his face.

I put a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to play tough for me. It's a scary thing."

"Doesn't make it less scary that they're trying to clear out your head though, I bet."
"Who is playing? Heh. I have been through it several times already. It is... Nothing." He sounded nervous. "It is less clearing your head then it is filling your head..."

"Eesh." I hugged him tighter. "Why do you put up with that?

"Because I have no other choice." His voice was carefully neutral

"You could leave?" I cleared my throat. This was the first time I'd really approached the subject with him directly. "I mean. What you do is your own business. But I hate to see them hurting you like this."

"They are the best chance for me to accomplish my goals." He replied firmly.

"What goals are those?" I asked, brow raised.

He looked awkward. "Um... Well. You know. I want to... stay alive?

"Because proxies live forever, right?" I sighed. "Like I said. You do what you want, but it might be smart to get out before they actually manage to find a way to make you a drone."

"And as a drone I would stay alive. Either way. I win." He smiled. "You lose because it wouldn't be you anymore." I tell him. "And why exactly is staying alive more important than your existence as a person?"

"Because it is my existence."

"I consider your existence quite important beyond that one thing, thank you. You're my friend and I want you safe and happy, dammit."

He laughed. "Safe? None of us are safe, none of us will EVER be safe. And Happiness? HA. Our joy will be brief and will disappear before the next tragedy."

"But it's better than never being happy at all." I reply firmly. "And okay, safe is kind of a joke these days. But I'd rather see us all die tomorrow free than have us lose ourselves to his mind control."

"Heh. Whatever you say."

I sigh. "Just think about it.""Maybe..."

I shrug.. "But here I am getting all sappy about people. I guess it's not any of my business

"It is fine. Ugh... So. Where will you go after Nick?" He seemed glad for the topic change

"New York. I'm meeting up with someone."

"It is still Proxy central up there... So be careful." Another concerned look from Star.

I nodded "I know. I'll be careful."

"You had better be...SO. Any clue where Jakey Boy ran off to?"

I sighed. "Not a one. Probably chased Prosper. No idea where he would've ended up."

"He is probably broken, you know." He is again carefully neutral.

"Probably." I agreed, feeling lost. "I'm just hoping this doesn't come back to bite me before I can find him."

"It will somehow, I fear..." The concern was bleeding though again.

I sighed again and sagged against him. "That's what I'm afraid of."

"Well don't be afraid." He replied, a careful arm going around me. "I am here to protect and assist you. From anything short of Father himself."

I smiled at him. "Thank you. Same to you. But I'll stand with you against the tall fucker himself if it comes to it."

He gave me a long look. "I would not allow that, I am afraid."

"Like you could stop me." I reply with a smirk.

He smirked back "Oh, I could. Make no mistake."

"You could try, anyway." I told him firmly.

One pale eyebrow went up. "Is that a challenge?"

"Possibly?" I shrug. "Hopefully it won't come to that"

He sighed "With luck... But when are we... You ever that lucky?"

A long pause. "... You're right. Fuck. Doesn't change my stand."

He laughs a little. "Stubborn."

The look I gave him was all challenge."Damn straight. You say that like it's a surprise."

Another laugh "Not a surprise. Just bothersome. Ha. Why do I even bother..."

And now I was curious. "Why do you even bother what?"

"... Taking care of.... Assisting you. Yes." He looked uncomfortable.
I shrug. "I dunno. That's a good question. Why do you? Not that I'm not grateful, mind."He shrugged back, looking fiercely uncomfortable. "Right. Well then. I should go get everyone out so you can leave this damn room."

I smiled. "Thank you again."

"It is what I am here for... And..." He visibly pulled back and punched me in the face, just hard enough to leave a bruise.

I swore but took it. Better a punch now than us both getting killed later.

"... And there we go. Feel free to hit back." He flashed me an apologetic look.

I pretended to think about it for a moment."Nah. But I wouldn't say no to getting a chance to go after Recluse... Creepy bitch."

He laughs. "I can send her in later, if you want to have a shot at her."

"I think I would enjoy that." I replied.

"Heh. You say that now. I can only stop her from killing you, not beating the ever loving shit out of you. Just a fair warning." More concern.

I shrugged it off and flashed him a cocky smile. "A knock down drag out fight sounds good. Get out some of this emotional bullshit."

He gave me a long look, then nodded. "As long as you don't mind to be on the receiving end of the asskicking... I shall send her in later tonight."

"Wonderful." I replied.

"Heh. Should be funny to watch." He headed for the door, but stopped just in front of it "... Stay strong Elaine. This will be over soon."

I nodded. "Thank you."

Happy Birthday to Me?

I'm not entirely sure how, but August found out that yesterday was my birthday. I'm twenty four. I didn't much feel like celebrating.

I'd honestly hoped I could get by without people knowing. The only people other than me who should have known were Cam and Jake, and they're not exactly around to tell people about it. I don't... Cam always made a big deal about it. Every year, no matter where I was, where he was, he'd make sure to do everything he could to make my birthday special. Even when he didn't know where I was, he'd call me and keep me on the phone for hours, talking to me and trying to brighten my day. I... My birthday was always the day I spent with him. So, I kind of hoped to forget it this year.

But. August threw a party. And it was all of us here at the house, and there was enough food to feed a family for a week and he was just so pleased with it. I couldn't say no. And it... it almost felt nice. Even with Doc drinking two feet from me and making me ache with the need for a glass. Because it almost felt like being part of a family again.

Of course, it didn't last. We hadn't even gotten past August's appetizers when Spencer bolted. I followed. We both saw something. I... I don't want to talk about it.

August, I'm sorry we ruined your dinner. It was delicious, I just...
I need to be alone for a while. You know where to find me if you need me.

The House

So, we've arrived here at the House, as of a few hours ago. It's... interesting. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. It's... fucking huge, for one thing. And it feels very... I dunno, empty. Maybe it's because the wing they've got me in is almost completely empty, but it just feels too quiet for a house with seven people living in it.

In any event, we arrived... late this morning, after getting horribly lost. I wish I remembered more of the approach but I fell asleep in the car. I woke up inside, in a bed. Took me a minute to figure out what had happened, but Spence was waiting for me outside.

He showed me around, got me some food, told me a bit more about the House. It all felt so... I dunno, peaceful. Nice to have something so domestic and comfortable in the middle of this. It's... I dunno, it's looking like I may honestly have some time to sit back and digest and plan my next move.

Also. Spencer gave me a key. He says he doesn't know what it opens, and I certainly don't, but he's given me free reign to find out. Which is in fact why I am cutting this post short. I've got exploring to do. And hopefully meeting at least some of the rest of the couriers in the process. It feels strange being in their House without having ever met them.

Fire

Fuck. Got careless, got sloppy, and it's ended badly. Shrody and I have come out of this with our skins intact, anyway, and Frank's still being his usual loving self, so it could be a lot worse.
Still, I lost half of my notes, including all of Alice's notes AND her notebook itself.  Not to mention the fear that comes when you get stupid enough to think you might be safe and something terrible happens.

See, we hit a motel a little early tonight. I know I haven't been sleeping worth shit, and taking care of a new kitten means Shrody's not sleeping as well as she could be either. I think all three of us were relieved to see the inside of our rooms-two, with the connecting door wide open, as usual. I took first watch, it's not like I was going to sleep anyway-apparently suddenly sobering up will do that to a girl.

In any event, when they called the alarm over the intercom, Shrody and I were up and moving in a flash, grabbing what we could and out the door. The other guests-not that there were many of them- followed us out shortly afterward, followed by the staff, the manager carrying his ledger and doing a head count.

The motel was going up FAST, from several different points, but it looked like no harm had been done to any of us. I motioned for Shrody to follow me to the car and started loading up. It was only when I turned to ask for her bag that I noticed she was gone. And then I immediately realized that Frank hadn't made it out with us.

It was stupid of me not to grab him and stupid of me to let Shrody out of my sight when her kitten was in danger. So, I did something equally stupid. I ran in after her. Because like hell was I going to risk anything else happening to her.
If you've never walked into a burning building, it's a little pointless to describe the suffocating heat, the smoke everywhere, sometimes thin enough that you almost wouldn't know there was a fire, sometimes so thick you can't see a foot in front of your face. Mostly I stayed clear of the flames, but trying to get through the hotel occasionally I'd hit a stretch where the flames bloomed above me or to the side and made the entire place look like some crazed artist's rendition of hell. It's the sort of thing you have to live to really understand, and trust me, you don't want to.

That said, it didn't take me long to get to her, it just felt like it. She'd made it to the room, but she was OUT. The ceiling was starting to cave, and something fell on her-though I'm not really sure what, there was nothing nearby that looked like it fell. Looked like it was on fire when it hit, but for whatever reason it went out quick-which was good for her. Even better, Frank was there, nosing at her, trying to wake her. I grabbed her and Frank and got the fuck out of there. Once we were out, the Manager started fussing over us and trying to insist on calling an ambulance. I'm not ENTIRELY sure how Shrody's condition works and I didn't think she'd want doctors peering at her if she could help it, so I stalled until she woke up.
Oh that was such a relief. I'm willing to admit now, now that we're safe and far away, that I was terrified. I was so worried that something serious had happened-or worse, that I'd lost her completely.
She seemed to be in a lot of pain, but she insisted the man not call an ambulance, and so he FINALLY left to deal with his other customers. After that it was a matter of waiting until she was alright to move and then getting the fuck out of there.

Though I will say. The smile on her face when she saw Frank safe and well made it all worth it.

Not Exactly Civil...

But interesting. David came over today. He disguised himself as the grocery delivery guy and got into the house helping us carry the groceries. Ro wasn't kidding in his last post, he had like no food in the house. I'm guessing he mostly lives off of delivery food.
In any event. it's not until David slipped up and used Ro's real name that I could confirm that there was something strange-though I still can't shake the oddest feeling that I'd seen him before. Ro got up and saw David, David proceeded to be charming while threatening all of us. I get the feeling he's rather good at that.

I don't have the memory to recall the exact conversation, I was too busy watching the knife he had out and pressed against Shrody's cheek at that point. That was not something I was going to let stand. I pulled my knives and made it clear that he'd have to go through me to get to her-or at least tried. Ro slammed David away before I got the chance. Unfortunately, he didn't last long in the fight afterward-David had him pinned rather quickly.
The two of them have... interesting chemistry. I almost wonder what would've happened if I hadn't stepped in. I mean. Sorry, Ro, but fuck you two were going at it with your eyes. I mean, really.

Okay, shutting up now.

Right. So. I managed to say the right thing to get David interested in fighting me, thereby allowing Ro to get Shrody the fuck out of there. It was a good fight-David really knows what he's doing. I now have a nice stab wound in my left shoulder, again, and he has a lovely gash across his torso that will probably leave a serious scar.

After that, he seemed to respect me a little more. He said he'd go if I sat down and talked to him for a minute, so I did, being careful not to bleed on Ro's furniture. Strangely, he was perfectly pleasant, didn't seem to be bothered either by the rather energetic fight or by the fact that he was bleeding pretty heavily.

While we talked, I figured out just how much of a fucking bastard David really is. Two things were readily apparent. If David cares about anything in this world, it's Ro, and everyone else doesn't matter. People aren't people to him, they're objects. Things to be used and toyed with and disposed of when convenient. I was kind of surprised he spoke to me as respectfully as he did-though upon reflection, I'm expecting it's because I injured him. He seemed rather impressed by that. He even said he'd come to see me again-and NOT try and kill me-if it left a scar. Not quite sure how I feel about that...

David wanted me to defame Ro. He wanted me to blame my injury on him, to come on this blog and talk about how he was secretly a terrible person, to make people step away and stop encouraging him to be a hero. His rationale was that Ronan's search for redemption was making him miserable, and that if everyone stopped encouraging him to go for it, he'd come back to David and be happy.
Which is kind of sick.
I told him to fuck off, that I wouldn't let him hurt people I care about. He warned me that if I wouldn't help him separate Ro from all of you that he'd do it in a bit more violent way. So be warned, any of you that spend much time talking to TMV. David's coming, and I have no doubt that he will follow through with that threat. Be careful.

David phrased it as 'pitting my love against yours.' I found that rather amusing, but more or less accurate. I won't let David get away with hurting any of you.

Visiting

Throwing up a quick post to let all of you know that Shrody and I are safe at TMV's house.

Those of you who read Shrody's blog will know about what happened. On the bright side, we have a kitten. A tiny adorable kitten named Frank who makes our lives so much more interesting and whom I've admittedly been spoiling rotten. It's... it's her story to tell, really, but I wish there was something I could've done.

Again, I think being in the company of someone other than me is doing her some good. I'm unfortunately not the cheeriest of traveling companions, but Ro's been really sweet to us both, and he seems really fond of Frank. Which is nice, because I would've hated to come all this way only to leave because his house wasn't cat friendly.

In any event, I should go. I wanted to chat with him tonight, to thank him for having us.

Back in Town

I'm in NYC, and it's beautiful and huge and bustling, just like I remember. The drive from Texas was hell, but I got here a day early and ended up able to spend yesterday with Spence, taking in the city almost like just another tourist. There was some craziness the previous night, and he came by to check on me, then ended up sticking for a while. He's a good friend. The two of us spent the day talking and remembering.  It was... it was nice. I needed that. It felt like I was finally getting a chance to say goodbye.

This was Cam's home, every time I've been here was with him. There's too much of him everywhere, he loved this city, loved showing it off to me in the hopes of making me smile for real. He's always been very good at that-I guess that's what happens when you've known someone for twenty years. Sure, he wasn't actually able to be physically with me for a lot of it, but he never let me fall out of touch, never let me ditch him. I think most of you thought that I met him when we started rooming together, we tended to encourage that belief, but that was not quite the truth. I never... I never bothered setting the record straight because I didn't think it mattered, but we were kids together, before he moved here. After shit hit the fan with me, he consistently wrecked his own life to be there when I needed him. No matter where I was or what trouble I'd gotten into, he was always there wanting to help. He deserves for you to know that.

The only reason I came here, to this city with all it's pain and memories and beauty, was two people I needed to see. The first, Shrodinger, I picked up rather early this morning. She really is that sweet, even desperate, looking like death, and missing a hand. She put up the request for a rescue a week ago and I got in touch, because like HELL was I leaving her to deal with this Cheshire bastard alone anymore. Didn't want to linger long there, so I just picked her and her stuff up and got the fuck out of there before something could show up and try to stop us.

We then proceeded to Rachael's house. Normally I would not go into the home of a proxy when seeking someplace vaguely resembling safe to rest and plan my next move, but she's a bit of a special case these days, and as much as I feel like a bitch saying so, physically she's not exactly a threat, so if it comes to that, I'm not too worried. She says she's pretty good at dealing with the 'itch' as she calls it and can give us warning if we need to get out, so I'm hoping that I'm just worrying too much.

I don't know what exactly I expected, really, but it wasn't her, in this cheerful, if a little dark and dusty, home. She looks to be in her thirties and absolutely beautiful, though everything about her is sad enough to break your heart. She swooped in and started mothering Shrodinger from the moment we arrived, and I've admittedly done a lot of awkward hovering and trying to help. She is so infinitely kind to us both, it kind of throws any expectations out the window. It's nice, really. I'm hoping our stop here will help Kat a little, and maybe I'll get lucky and it'll help me as well.